zombie movies – Horror Ghouls

You could say that this obscure little schlocky zombieflick takes place somewhere between Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead, where the dead roams in the midst of the zombie apocalypse, all shot with a Super-8 camera on a microbudget. Some years after the outbreak, we’re in Virginia where a group of soldiers from the “Zombie Squad“ are on a mission to take down a pack in some farmhouse. The squad is led by Raimi, played by the Temu version of Bruce Campbell. And no, your ears aren’t playing tricks on you — the actor (Pete Ferry) is actually dubbed by Bruce Campbell for some reason. Anyway: it isn’t until now that they learn the fact that it isn’t enough to shoot the zombies in the head, or even chop it off with a machete.

— Damn things! Look at it! Why won’t they DIE?! The thing’s head’s off its body fo Christ’s sakes! Doesn’t it know that?!

When one of the soldiers grabs his gun which lies next to a zombie’s severed head, he gets two of his fingers bitten off. And when you’re that dumb, you deserve it. Since there’s no cure yet, the squad has not much other choice than to leave him there. Goodbye soldier, thanks for your service, and God bless. While Dr. Moulsson is working on a serum that can wipe out the zombie virus, the Zombie Squad gets sent to Akron, Ohio to search for the ingredients. Instead they get in trouble with a crazy cult leader named Jim Jones. And he’s even wearing dark glasses. Not subtle at all. And this Jones guy views the zombies as God’s punishment to the humanity. Fred Phelps from Westboro Baptist Church would give a big Amen to that.

Dumb dialogues, amateur acting, campy action and lots of gore n’ delicious fun practical effects is what’s on the menu from this grainy-looking cheesefest. Nothing more, nothing less. The Dead Next Door is written, directed, produced, edited and scored by J.R. Bookwalter, an amateur filmmaker who just loves to make Z-grade backyard-style horror movies, I guess. That said, it’s a little impressive that he managed to film some quick shots of zombies walking the National Mall and near The White House in Washington DC. Hardcore guerrilla filmmaking. He’s also buddy with Sam Raimi, who’s listed as an executive producer under the pseudonym of “The Master Cylinder“. Raimi actually spat his earnings from Evil Dead II (1987) into this. If it was worth it, who knows, but what do you have friends for.

The film can be found next door to Alice, Tubi.

Writer and director: J.R. Bookwalter
Also known as: Mondo Zombie
Country & year: USA, 1989
Actors: Pete Ferry, Bogdan Pecic, Michael Grossi, Jolie Jackunas, Robert Kokai, Floyd Ewing Jr., Roger Graham, Maria Markovic, Jon Killough, Scott Spiegel
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094962/

What if Quentin Tarantino had a serious mental collapse and flew to planet Japan to make his 10th and final movie? Well…

The film starts exactly how you’d expect: A crazy-like scientist makes a zombie puke something in the mouth of his young daughter who has blood cancer. Saitei! After a groovy and quick opening credits which I won’t spoil, we meet a group of friends who are on a camping trip: we have the schoolgirl Megumi, the druggie Tak, his airhead girlfriend Maki and the geeky goofball Naoi. Megumi, the one dressed in the classic and cute Sailor Moon uniform, knows her karate just to make sure that she’s the star here and not one to mess with. She’s also grieving after her sister killed herself in shame after she farted in front of her bullies. Oof. That’s brutal. My condolences. Anyway: the airhead Maki wants to be a model and catches a trout to find a tapeworm so she can speedrun her loose-weight process. Always a great idea. She slurps a big fat tapeworm like a noodle, and hopes for the best.

And to say that shit starts to happen is the biggest understatement of the century.

Maki’s stomach starts to act funny, and she has to take a shit. Uh-oh. Well, girls have to shit too. As they enter a small empty village, she finds the nearest outhouse toilet where a zombie grabs her buttcheeks. Makes me wonder if this is the same guy from Headhunters (2011). A dozen of shitty zombies emerge from the toilet of the dead, called “Shit men“, plain and simple (thanks to the subtitles). They vomit and throw shit, and from here on we can say that the film surely lives up to the title. Maki unleashes an epic yellow cloud of fart that forms into a demonic shape. Absolutely diabolical, as Ed Warren would have said. An alien-looking parasitic monster comes out of her brown hole, not so unlike what we saw in Dreamcatcher (2003), and our group of friends are surrounded by shit men and parasites. All this is caused by the scientist we saw at the beginning. Why and how? To find a cure to save his young daughter. Good news is that Megumi also knows how to handle a shotgun.

What we have next is a, well, an epic shitstorm where director Noboru Iguchi (The Machine Girl, RoboGeisha, Dead Sushi) turns his extreme fart-fetish all up to 11. He started his career with the fetish porn film Doctor Enema and continued to work in that side of showbiz throughout the 1990s to mid 2000s. So, this is clearly his alley. The year after Zombie Ass, he got the golden ticket to direct a segment of the horror anthology The ABCs of Death, and you can guess which letter: F for Fart, which also actress Arisa Nakamura (who plays Megumi) got the pleasure of being in. If that’s not the most embarrassing kind of typecasting, I don’t know what is.

While the film is as silly, goofy and cartoonish as it is, here’s some of the more thought-provoking dialogues: I’m bleeding from my butt! — Why am I releasing a neverending fart? — You fart and fart until you die. That is your fate! — I just farted! — That butt ate my bat! — I killed him with my butt! — Dumb ass! You’ve got shit for brains! — ANAL VOLCANO!

And there you pretty much have Zombie Ass in a nutshell, more brown than usual, with lots of farting, fetish-driven grossness, exploding heads, karate fights in manga-style and tentacle/body horror sprinkled with some more serious topics such as bullying. Just a normal day in Japan. It has it all, almost. The blood is mostly cheap CGI, but(t) while the green-screen effects look like something from a YouTube skit. The shit seems at least real. So real, in fact, that actress Asana Mamoru (Maki) had to control her bowel movements while filming the outhouse scene so she didn’t poop on the zombie who had the pleasure of grabbing both her buttcheeks. Some of the farts heard were also real! Amber Turd or Blake Lively wouldn’t hold back for even a split second. Working in showbiz is so glamorous, innit? Can’t wait for the cocaine and the hookers that don’t fart. In an alternative universe, Siskel & Ebert gave this Two Brown Thumbs Up! …eew. Eating a can of chili beans beforehand while wearing a fresh skid marked underpants could also add some nice Smell-o-Rama effect. Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead can be found at the one and only streaming site that (fecal) matters — Tubi. Enough cringe wordplay for today.

Couldn’t actually find any watchable trailer for this masterpiece, but the screenshots, if not the title alone, speak loud and clearly for themselves.

Director: Noboru Iguchi
Writers: Noboru Iguchi, Tadayoshi Kubo, Ao Murata, Jun Tsugita
Original title: Zonbi asu
Also known as: Zombierumpe: De dødes toalett (Norway)
Country & year: Japan, 2011
Actors: Arisa Nakamura, Mayu Sugano, Asana Mamoru, Yûki, Danny, Kentaro Kishi, Demo Tanaka, Asami, Sayuri Yajima, Haru Shiina, Yûya Ishikawa, Hideki Kurauchi, Takeo Gozu
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2061869/

Tag: zombie movies

The Dead Next Door (1989)

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead (2011)