– HAIL, HAIL, Virgin HIGH! Drop your pants it’s FUCK, or DIE!
And that’s a classy, colorful quote from the more obscure Scream clone teen slasher that is Cherry Falls. That Shakespearean line didn’t just come from nowhere, by the way, because listen to this: In the small, idyllic town of Cherry Falls, teens start to get killed, one by one. And one particular thing the victims have in common is that they’re (- drumrooooll -) virgins.
One of the town’s young virgins is Jody (Brittany Murphy). She’s also the teenage daughter of the sheriff Brent (Michael Biehn). And when he starts to see the clear pattern of the killers motive, we have a pretty awkward father/daughter moment where he straight out asks her while she’s lying in her bed if she’s…you know…has lost her innocence with her current boyfriend, and the conversation continues like this:
You don’t have to worry about it. We broke up the other day, she says.
Yeah…., dad replies with a sigh.
Then she asks with a straight face Are you disappointed? Are you still disappointed that I’m still a virgin?
Dad answers No, no, not at all (Yes, you are). I’m very, very proud of you.
Good acting saved this scene from the ultimate cringe.
But, still though, since the script seems to be written by an alien boomer, we have some eye-rolling moments sprinkled all over the place with some questionable thought of logic. This is also what makes Cherry Falls so amusing, odd and weird. And the sweet cherry on the top is a borderline zany Britanny Murphy (RIP) with her teen angst boiling up to eleven and looks like seconds from bursting out in a panic attack. Please have someone give the girl a box of Belgian chocolate and a big teddy bear. It gets weirder when the news about this mysterious virgin-killer reaches all the kids at the Cherry Falls High School, and they have the plan of the century you’d never guess: To organize a huge event where all the virgin teens in the town gather to have a big, fat sex orgy, a fuck fest, with the T-shirt worthy slogan “Hail, Hail, Virgin high, drop your pants its fuck, or die!“ Alcohol included. Good luck and have fun. The title for this film should have been Fuck or Die. The German title is the closest with Sex oder stirb (Sex or Die). It’s far from the bloodiest slasher film out there, but it’s certainly one of the horniest. So I’ll give it that. Meanwhile, our protagonist Jody, sets her own little investigation to track down the killer.
Fun fact: Ken Selden actually wrote the script as an X-rated movie, so the orgy scene at the end could go full-out in softcore style. I bet Showgirls would look like My Little Pony in comparison. Too bad it never “came” to its full climax, that would have ended the 90s era of teen slashers with an epic orgasmic bang.
And if you find the tone of the film somewhat confusing and completely off, you’re not wrong, as director Geoffrey Wright and scriptwriter Ken Selden were clearly not on the same page. You see, Selden wrote the film from a more silly and satirical angle on the slasher genre, whereas Wright went for a far more serious approach. He also cut out many of the comedic elements to add more horror. Unfortunately, the kills are nothing much, where the only memorable death scene is the girl who gets tied and nailed to the ceiling after being stabbed to death. That’s at least the only one I can remember.
Despite its troubled production, Cherry Falls has its qualities. It’s polished, well-directed and goes its own unique way. So it’s not just a blatant copy of the more well-known teen slashers of that era. In the midst of the weird, muddled silliness, the film manages to keep on track with a serious mass-murder mystery to be solved. We also have an intriguing killer, spiced with some elements of true-crime to keep you invested. The killer also gives some Malignant vibes where I wouldn’t be surprised if James Wan took some inspiration from.
As mentioned, Cherry Falls didn’t have a smooth production, to put it mildly. The creative differences between the writer and the director are one thing, but the film is most notoriously known for being the most expensive movie made for TV with a budget of 14 million $ (approx the same budget as Scream.) The film was originally set up for a wide theatrical release in the US, but did never get an approval through the censorship – which is kinda odd since this is far from the most graphic mainstream slasher out there. But just the thought of teens having sex scares the bureaucrats at the rating boards more than anything else. The film also crashed with protests from the residents of Richmond where part of the movie was shot. So the film was dumped on TV (way before streaming services were a thing), and I would guess seen by few. It was only screened at theaters in the UK and other places in Europe with great success, even though the box office numbers are unknown. It has gained a cult-following throughout the years and was released on Blu-ray by Scream Factory in 2016, where they did their best to get the license to the fully uncut version through USA Films, but to no avail. Maybe there were some real orgy scenes to dig up there. Who knows.
Director: Geoffrey Wright
Writers: Ken Selden
Country & year: USA, 1999
Actors: Brittany Murphy, Jay Mohr, Michael Biehn, Jesse Bradford, Candy Clark, Amanda Anka, Joe Inscoe, Gabriel Mann, Natalie Ramsey, Douglas Spain, Bre Blair, Kristen Miller
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0175526/
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