Dolls (1987)

DollsYoung Judy has brought along her beloved teddybear, Teddy, on a trip together with her father and stepmother. And Teddy is pretty much the only comfort she’s got, as both her father and stepmother sees her as nothing but an inconvenience. A thunderstorm leaves them stranded as their car gets stuck, and in frustration the stepmother takes Teddy from Judy and throws him far into the bushes, where Judy can’t get to him. This then leads to a strange scene where Judy actually imagines that Teddy comes back as a giant monster-teddy and kills both her stepmother and her father. Yeah, there ain’t any happy family vibes to find around here, that’s for sure, but who can really blame the little girl, both her stepmother and her father are assholes.

 

The trio ends up seeking shelter by getting into a nearby mansion, owned by a charming elderly couple named Gabriel and Hilary Hartwicke. The couple immediately takes to young Judy, and when learning that she lost her teddybear, Gabriel gives her a Jester-doll whose name is Mr. Punch. Then, three more people also arrive at the mansion, seeking shelter from the weather: Ralph, a very kind-hearted dude who maybe suffers from being a tad bit naive, and two hitchhikers named Isabel and Enid, who are two more additions to the asshole-group. So, we have an innocent little girl, a nice man with a good heart, and four douchebags who are now invited to stay by the elderly couple, who are both dollmakers. The mansion is filled with toys and dolls, but these soon prove to be anything but harmless.

 

Dolls is a horror film from 1987, directed by Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator, From Beyond, Castle Freak), written by Ed Naha, and produced by Charles Band and Brian Yuzna through Empire Pictures. The story was inspired by a book called The Uses of Enchantment, by Brunio Bettelheim. The film was shot in Italy at Empire Studios, prior to the director’s next film From Beyond. However, due to all the effects for the dolls that were added in post-production, the movie wasn’t released until almost a year later.

 

Now, what could possibly be the highlight in a movie from the 80’s titled Dolls? Take a wild guess. This was released before any Child Play‘s, and way before any Annabelle‘s. One could look at it as a little precursor to a certain film series involving puppets, though: the Puppet Master franchise, where the first movie was released in 1989. Because this movie, just like the Puppet Master films, uses a mix of stop motion animation, puppets and animatronics for the dolls by David W. Allen, who worked on special effects for numerous films and especially several Empire/Full Moon movies. He unfortunately died from cancer in 1999, and had been intermittently working on stop motion effects for a film called The Primevals, which was actually his own production, a true passion project of his. Despite seeming like what would be a lost project for so many years, The Primevals was actually completed and released in 2023.

 

There aren’t any big names on the cast list here, but the actors are a mix of people whom you may have seen in other movies and TV Series, so it’s far from being a no-name actors movie either. The one playing Isabel for example, is Bunty Bailey, who plays the girl in the famous music video for the Norwegian pop group A-Ha’s Take on Me from 1985. Dolls was her feature film debut. Their performances are solid enough for a movie like this, which is overall childishly cheesy and with that strange tone you mostly only find in movies made during the 80’s. It’s whimsical and slightly goofy, and the effects for the dolls and puppets are of course the raison d’être for the movie.

 

Despite being a pretty fun movie, Dolls wasn’t well received by the viewers, and the fans of Stuart Gordon in particular thought it was tame and lacking in gore compared to his previous works. Well…this one’s quite different for sure, where despite the little bit of gore there is it could have been a cute little horror movie for kids. It’s charming in its own way, and overall a fun little film where the baddies gets their comeuppance and the goodies can have their happily ever after.

 

Stuart Gordon was initially interested on making a sequel for the film, but that never came to be.

 

Dolls Dolls Dolls

 

Director: Stuart Gordon
Writer: Ed Naha
Country & year: USA/Italy, 1986
Actors: Ian Patrick Williams, Carolyn Purdy-Gordon, Carrie Lorraine, Guy Rolfe, Hilary Mason, Bunty Bailey, Cassie Stuart, Stephen Lee
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092906/

 

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

Häxan (1922)

HäxanHäxan is the Swedish word for the witch, and this is a 1922 silent horror essay film which was written and directed by Benjamin Christensen. It’s partly documentary, and partly dramatized scenes, all about witches and witchcraft and superstitions beginning from the Middle Ages through the 20th century. The film was produced by AB Svensk Filmindustri, but it was shot in Denmark in 1920-1921. It was the most expensive silent film ever made in Scandinavia, costing almost 2 million SEK (Swedish Kronor). And it shows, with its detailed set pieces and recreation of medieval scenes, and of course its lengthy production period. It received fairly positive reception, but of course the censors in several countries (Germany, France and the US) found it to be too graphic with its depictions of torture, nudity, sexual perversion, and of course the worst of all: anti-clericalism. How dare they, those blasphemers! The movie didn’t avoid the censors in Sweden either, there were a bunch of Evil Ed‘s even in the 1920’s. Before the censors authorized its release, they required numerous cuts: the scene of a hanged man’s finger being removed, the trampling of the cross during a witch’s sabbath, and several others. Fortunately, all of these scenes have since been restored to the film.

 

In 1968, Metro Pictures Corporation re-edited and re-released the film in the US, giving it the title Witchcraft Through the Ages. This version includes an English-language narration by William S. Burroughs. It is today considered an old masterpiece with its combination of documentary-style and narrative storytelling, with some very inventive and great visuals. Many different techniques are used here, including some stop motion animation scenes, puppetry, reverse motion and other special effects and creative makeup. Most of the film was even shot at night, which was almost unheard of at the time, but the director wanted the actors to be influenced by as dark and ominous a setting as possible to enhance their performances. The director himself even performed as Satan in this movie, and he honestly looked like he had a blast doing so. One of the old ladies playing a persecuted witch was discovered by the director when she was selling flowers on a street corner in Denmark, and she claimed she was the first Red Cross nurse in the country. When filming one of her scenes, she once turned to him and said The Devil is real. I have seen him sitting at my bedside. The director was so struck by this that he decided to include that anecdote into the film itself.

 

One of the best things with Häxan, is how it manages to blend the dark themes of superstition and human nature, with some dark humor and of course the very striking visuals. Despite a somewhat humorous undertone, it’s all told with a focus on the dark subjects at hand. Witches were executed for simply being different, looking ugly, being poor, and all kinds of other completely unfounded reasons which could lead people to spiral a small rumor into a massive paranoia. The poor witches were often tortured to such an extent that they’d admit to anything just to make it stop. There are several scenes during a witch’s torture and execution that are, albeit not nearly as graphic as the torture-porn movies we are accustomed to these days, pretty unnerving stuff. Visually, Häxan is a treat with so many innovative special effects, makeup, costumes and whatnot. There’s witches, possessed nuns, torture scenes, grave robbing, a Satanic sabbath where the witches are trampling the cross and kissing the devil’s behind, and…oh my, no wonder it got whacked by the censors!

 

Häxan is without a doubt a film that was ahead of its time, with its libertarian undertones. And while the movie condemns the practices during the Middle Ages and how superstition makes people treat others horribly, the film also wraps it up excellently by pointing out the parallels to modern day (which, at the time, was the 1920’s of course). It is easy to sit and laugh at how people were afraid of witches and wanted to have them executed in hopes of protecting themselves from evil, but similar misconceptions, beliefs, practices and fears can make people treat others horribly even to this day, despite how much more enlightened we have become. They may have feared witches in the Middle Ages, but there will always be witches for each era we live in, someone to place blame and hatred towards. This is something that will never get better, because humans will always be filled with fear, and too many of us need something to pin those fears on, despite how unfounded they may be.

 

Häxan Häxan

 

 

Writers and director: Benjamin Christensen
Country & year: Sweden/Denmark, 1922
Also known as: Witchcraft Through the Ages
Actors: Maren Pedersen, Clara Pontoppidan, Elith Pio, Oscar Stribolt, Tora Teje, John Andersen, Benjamin Christensen, Poul Reumert, Karen Winther, Kate Fabian, Else Vermehren, Astrid Holm
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0013257/

 

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. Giggles (1992)

Dr. Giggles If you think that’s bad, wait until you get my bill.

 

Evan Rendell (Larry Drake) is a mentally deranged man who manages to escape the mental asylum (a time when mental asylums still existed) and return to his abandoned little rundown mansion on the outskirts of the small town of Moorehigh. We learn that Rendell is the son of the town’s previous doctor, and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. His father did some pretty shady things to his patients, such as stealing their hearts and such, for reasons I won’t spoil, because there’s actually a fun little twist to the whole thing. But his approach to his patients with zero empathy, sure had its impact on Rendell Jr’s frontal lobe. So in order to continue his father’s legacy, he gets a list of names so he can sneak into the townsfolk’s homes at night to pay them an unexpected doctor visit. Dad would be proud.

 

And here’s the big question; why the nickname Dr. Giggles? That’s because he giggles in a demented high-pitched note, as if someone tickles his ballsack with the tip of a feather – or getting an unexpected blowjob while standing on a podium, if you take the reference. It’s a pretty distinct kind of giggle that I believe that only Larry Drake could pull off. While it’s pretty gimmicky and goofy at times, it puts an extra flair on his twisted personality, and adds more creep factor to his stone-cold Slavic-like face. The film itself isn’t creepy for one second though, but Larry Drake makes up for an oddly entertaining villain with some cheesy one-liners. He’s maybe best known for being the antagonist, Duran, in the first two Darkman films.

 

But there’s no slasher without a big group of teens, some meat balloons, or at least a final girl. And since it happens to be the start of the summer break, the timing of Dr. Giggles return couldn’t be more perfect. Here we follow the 19-year-old main protagonist, Jennifer Campbell. She has a serious heart condition that prevents her from living out her final year as a teen to the fullest. Well, thank God that Dr. Giggles is finally in town, which she eventually will get the un-pleasure to meet. Jennifer is played by the Charmed star Holly Marie Combs, who actually was 19 during the filming, and not a 27-year-old pretending to be 19. That’s rare, as most of the teens in slashers, especially from the 1980s, look like they’re in their late 30s. Jennifer Aniston auditioned for the role as the final girl, but luckily she didn’t have to wait for long to make her big film debut in Leprechaun. Let’s have a long, sarcastic giggle for that one.

 

Although Dr. Giggles was released in 1992, it has the vibe and the standard formula of a 80s slasher. Thus, the film did not perform at the box office as the slasher genre had gone into hiatus with a severe hangover alongside with the hair metal bands. That’s a shame as there could be a fun franchise to develop here. Oh, well. Dr. Giggles is an enjoyable little slasher flick with some great gore, silly humor – and bonkers performance by, again, Larry Drake, who alone makes the film a standout. And while we’re speaking about doctors, also give The Dentist a visit for a check-up, because health is important, you know…

 

Dr. Giggles is available on Blu-ray from Shout! Factory and is maybe to be found on Tubi.

 

Dr. Giggles Dr. Giggles Dr. Giggles

 

Director: Manny Coto
Writers: Manny Coto, Graeme Whifler
Country & year: USA, 1992
Actors: Larry Drake, Holly Marie Combs, Cliff De Young, Glenn Quinn, Keith Diamond, Richard Bradford, Michelle Johnson, John Vickery, Nancy Fish, Sara Melson, Zoe Trilling
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104139/

 

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Killer Klowns from Outer SpaceMike Tobacco and his girlfriend Debbie Stone have gone to the local lover’s lane to make out. Suddenly, they spot a strange glowing object falling down from the sky. They’re not the only ones who saw that, as the farmer Gene Green decides to find the impact site as he believes it to be Halley’s Comet. Well, he finds something quite different. A large circus tent has been raised in the place where the comet landed, and the poor farmer and his dog are captured by aliens looking like clowns. What they are? Killer Klowns, of course! Mike and Debbie arrive at the place and decide to enter the strange-looking circus, and find themselves in a bizarre place with an interior that resembles a spaceship. They’re discovered, and after being able to flee they try reporting the incident to the local police station. A large circus in the forest, and alien clowns from outer space? Yeah, that’s believable of course. Or not. But even the police must realize that something funny is happening around here, when the Klowns begin attacking the townspeople. Why they’re attacking people? Because they’re hungry! And the people they capture are encased in large cotton-candy cocoons, where they drink the mushed-up fluids from inside in true spider-style (well, not exactly, they use drinking straws). Mike and Debbie know they must defeat the Klowns, but how? The answer is simple, of course: you need to shoot them in their red nose!

 

Killer Klowns from Outer Space is a colorful sci-fi horror comedy from 1988, written and directed by the Chiodo Brothers. They also made the practical effects and makeup for the movie, much of it also carried out by other artists. Thus, there’s a ton of practical effects, rubber suits and masks. It was filmed in Watsonville, California and at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, and have pretty much been considered a cult classic for quite some time. There’s been talk of sequels, but they’ve been in development hell since the original film’s release. If there should ever be some kind of sequel, though, then at least it would be one people have wanted for some time, just like the Beetlejuice Beetlejuice movie.

 

Just looking at the title, the description, and the images of the Killer Klowns themselves, you can’t blame anyone but yourself if you watch this and expect something different than what it is. It’s pure childish, silly nonsense. Originally, the film was supposed to just be called Killer Klowns, but in order to prevent people from assuming it was a simple slasher film, they added the from Outer Space just to let people know what they were in for. Good choice. It’s obviously both a parody and a homage to the 50’s and early 60’s sci-fi classics about alien and monster invasions.

 

The special effects are the movie’s most admirable part, where the Killer Klown costumes look pretty darn good. The acting is, well, very typical B-movie fare, which suits a film like this perfectly. And as you might expect, this being alien clowns and all, there’s gags aplenty and a lot of wild stupidity with popcorn-guns, shadow puppets eating people, and a lot of other loony stuff. While it’s hard to imagine anyone finding any moments in this movie to be scary in any way, the cotton-candy cocoons with melted human bodies inside is a little bit nasty. And yeah, there is a bit of gore here but there’s nothing really over the top. The film also has a pretty cool and campy theme song called Killer Klowns, performed by the pop/punk band The Dickies. Ah, theme songs! Those were the days.

 

Killer Klowns from Outer Space is just as deranged, absurd, childish and sickly sweet as you can imagine. You can almost feel a sugar-overdose after watching it, despite not having eaten any candy or ice cream at all. And in space no one can eat ice cream, or so the film’s slogan says. It’s had several DVD and Blu-ray releases over the years, and can be seen on several streaming sites.

 

Killer Klowns from Outer Space Killer Klowns from Outer Space Killer Klowns from Outer Space

 

Director: Stephen Chiodo
Writer: Charles Chiodo, Stephen Chiodo, Edward Chiodo
Country & year: USA, 1988
Actors: Grant Cramer, Suzanne Snyder, John Allen Nelson, John Vernon, Michael S. Siegel, Peter Licassi, Royal Dano, Christopher Titus, Irene Michaels, Irene Michaels, Karla Sue Krull
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095444/

 

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

House III: The Horror Show (1989)

House III: The Horror ShowHouse III, aka The Horror Show, aka House III: The Horror Show has nothing to do with the House franchise. So what the hell is this supposed to be? Well, it’s a horror movie, I can say that. And like the second film, the house from Psycho is also displayed on the DVD cover, just to make you even more confused. This was actually also the official theatrical release poster. Now it just starts to look like a parody of the Italian films that capitalized on cheap, faux sequels. But the story behind this messy production is a tale of itself, which I’ll come back to.

 

In this relative faux sequel, we’re in a far more gritty, urban surroundings that center around the detective Lucas McCarthy (Lance Henriksen). He and his partner are on the huntdown of the deranged serial killer Max Jenke (Brion James). He goes by the nickname Meat Cleaver Max and he has body counted the city for too long. The party’s over when he gets captured and thrown in the electric chair and fried to the nether. And as Lucas has dedicated too much time and mental health to this homicidal clown, he can now at least take a deep breath, relax and maybe spend some more time with his family. Dream on, pal, because the horror show is far from over.

 

Because you see, Mr. Meat Cleaver comes back as a trickster demon with a mix of Beetlejuice and Freddy Krueger to fuck so much with his head to the point that the line between reality and not becomes a big fat blur. And since Lance Henriksen is a top tier working actor who can say a thousand words just with his facial expressions alone, it’s hard not to believe all the fucked-up visions he starts to see while he tries his very best to be in the moment with the family. He already struggles with PTSD and nightmares where our killer chops the head off a young girl, which he blames himself for. Now it’s up to Lucas to call a ghostbuster and chase down the ghost of Mr. Meat Cleaver, before he goes totally insane and loses both his mind and his family.

 

The strongest cards here are Lance Henriksen and Brion James. They’re both very intense and intimidating actors who are like thunder and lightning on screen, and give their 100%. Brion James is maybe not the most familiar name, but you certainly know his face. A great, charismatic character actor who died way too early at the age of 54 of a heart attack. RIP. There’s also some fun, practical effects here which gives some Elm Street vibes, that also the DVD covers refer to and actually got right. An overall entertaining supernatural slasher worth watching with a strong beer and fresh-made popcorn. Just make sure to pick up the Blu-ray from Arrow Videos for the complete uncut version.

 

So, House III/The Horror Show is far from the shitshow you’d expect considering the circumstances – especially when one of the screenwriters is credited as the legendary, the one and only Alan Smithee himself. The film manages to stand on its own feet for what it is. So what did actually go so horribly wrong here, apart from the fake, clickbait title? The film was originally going to be a third entry in the House franchise, but when a new distributor came on board (MGM) they wanted to go for another approach with killer Max, where they saw a new potential iconic villain like Freddy Krueger. Yeah, you don’t say. They were maybe into something here though, as this was Brion Jame’s favorite acting gig of all the 178 films he starred in. That never happened, of course.

 

Director David Blyth (Death Warmed Up) from New Zealand was fired a short time after the production started and was replaced with newcomer James Isaac. And again, despite the circumstances, he does a decent job, I would say. He also made the schlock classic Jason X (2002) and a couple of other obscure horror films before he died of blood cancer at age 51. RIP. The script was changed to the point that the original screenwriter, Allyn Warner, had no interest in being associated with the film, and thus painted himself behind the notorious Allan Smithee pseudonym. And since both Allan and Allyn sounded too similar, and Alan was at that time apparently written with two L’s, he was credited with one L. Just in case.

 

The film was released as The Horror Show in America, and as House III in other countries. And of course, it was a flop, despite having the same modest budget, of 3 million dollars, as the previous two films. House III/The Horror Show followed up with House IV in 1992, a direct-to-video sequel to the first film. I’ve yet to see that one, so maybe another time.

 

House III: The Horror Show House III: The Horror Show House III: The Horror Show

 

Director: James Isaac
Writers: Allyn Warner (as Alan Smithee), Leslie Bohem
Country & year: USA, 1987
Actors: Lance Henriksen, Brion James, Rita Taggart, Dedee Pfeiffer, Aron Eisenberg, Thom Bray, Matt Clark, David Oliver, Lewis Arquette, Terry Alexander, Armand Asselin
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097527/

 

Prequels:
House II: The Second Story (1987)
House (1985)

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

House II: The Second Story (1987)

House II: The Second StoryIn this odd little sequel we meet the young couple, Jesse and Kate, who move into an old mansion, which is not the same house we saw in the first film, just to point that out. The house has been a multigenerational home for Jesse’s bloodline, and I can bet I’ve seen the exteriors of that building in numerous movies, without being able to mention a single one. Anyway – Jesse’s parents were murdered when he was a kid, and after some exploring they find an old picture of his great-great-grandfather where he’s holding a crystal skull while standing in front of an old temple. OK, he was the real Indiana Jones. C o o l.

 

And things slide straight into weird land when Jesse and his best friend Charlie decide to…uhm…dig up his dusty corpse to get the crystal skull. Because why not. After some digging, they get met with a skeletal zombie simply credited as Gramps, but no need to worry, cuz he’s friendly, even though they tried to steal the crystal skull from him. Whatever, because nothing here makes any sense either way. Now that he’s been resurrected, barely, he joins the life of Jesse and Charlie and lives in the house’s basement.

 

And… lives go on, until things get even weirder. Because we also need a kind of a villain shoe-horned in here, and Gramps has a nemesis from the old west who also wants to claim this crystal skull. And now that the house has opened several portals to alternative dimensions, it’s a matter of time before our villain finds his way inside the house.

 

House II: The Second (NeverEnding) Story is a cluttered mess overstuffed with camp, molded cheese and zero logic. The most noteworthy is the horror elements that are mostly wiped out. We have two half-rotted skeletons, one friendly and the other not so much with his skeleton horse, and that’s pretty much as far as the horror goes. The first one also had its overtly goofy aspects, but here it goes overboard with childish acting, a series of nonsensical scenes just thrown at each other. Several sets and scenes also gave me some Full Moon/Empire vibes, which is not a bad thing. And then we have some innocent, cute-looking claymation puppets, one of which looks too alike the Luck Dragon from The NeverEnding Story (1984). The only link this sequel has to the original is a house that has portals to other dimensions.

 

And what is up with the old DVDs that display the house from Psycho on the covers? And if my ghoulish little brain isn’t already confused, the cover says Endelig uklippet!which is Norwegian for The uncut version!. Huh, yeah right. I assume they misunderstood this for being House III: The Horror Show, which ironically didn’t get a fully uncut release until 2017.

 

House II is overall a fun, charming little whimsical 80s cheese flick most suitable for the youngest audiences. Very light-hearted, oddly entertaining, and family-friendly that could easily be aired on Disney Channel alongside with Mr. Boogedy. The polar opposite could be said about the unofficial sequel that is the aforementioned House III: The Horror Show. Because when that film starts rolling, it’s time to get the kids in bed.

 

House II: The Second Story House II: The Second Story House II: The Second Story

 

Writer and director: Ethan Wiley
Country & year: USA, 1987
Actors: Arye Gross, Jonathan Stark, Royal Dano, Bill Maher, John Ratzenberger, Lar Park-Lincoln, Amy Yasbeck, Gregory Walcott, Dwier Brown, Lenora May
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093220/

 

Prequel:
House (1985)

Sequel:
House III: The Horror Show (1989)

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

House (1985)

HouseRoger Cobb is an author who has just inherited his deceased aunt’s house. The same house where his only son Jimmy once disappeared without a trace, and where his aunt died by hanging herself. Nice. Must be a place full of wonderful memories. Aside from also being separated from his wife, his publisher keeps pressing him to write another book, and he plans to write a novel based on his experiences in the Vietnam war in the hopes of using this experience to deal with some of the trauma. He decides to live in his aunt’s house in order to start working on said novel. Soon after moving in, he begins having nightmares about his dead comrade from the war, and strange phenomena occur in the house. He also starts having flashbacks of Jimmy’s disappearance, where he saw something pulling him down the swimming pool. His late aunt claimed that it was the house itself that took him, which does sound preposterous, but being inside that house now and experiencing all these strange things, Roger is not so sure his old aunt wasn’t right after all.

 

House is a comedy horror film from 1985, directed by Steve Miner with screenplay by Ethan Wiley, based on an original story written by Fred Dekker. The film is produced by Sean S. Cunningham (the man behind the original Friday the 13th) and is the first in the House film series. The exterior shooting was done at an estate now known as Mills View, a Victorian style home built in 1887. At the time, the house was owned by two Los Angeles firemen. The production designer and crew spent about four weeks on modifying the manor, where they repainted the entire exterior, set up a wrought iron fence, and attached foam spires to the roof. Seven monsters were designed for the film, including a zombie, demonic kids, a flying skull-faced monster and all kinds of ghoulish creatures. Both puppetry and animatronics were used in the film, and also some stop-motion and the good old actors in rubber suits.

 

This movie is from the 80s, and like so many films from this decade, it’s filled with the most delicious-tasting cheese. The tone is for the most part quite jovial and lighthearted, where our protagonist gets haunted by all kinds of strange monsters popping out from here and there. It’s kind of a goofy mess, but never gets boring. The monsters in the movie are definitely the highlight, with some really inventive ideas. While it does go for a darker approach with the zombiefied version of Roger’s former Vietnam war buddy, it also goes totally bonkers with a funny ghoulish monster-version of his ex-wife. Too bad the crazy creatures didn’t give us some gory death scenes, as the film is a lot more closer to a family-friendly approach than a full-out horror one.

 

House is definitely a cheesy and fun horror comedy movie, which spun two sequels that doesn’t really have jack shit to do with each other. So in that regard, they’re not movies you have to watch in sequence, as they are actually quite dissimilar. This one is perfect if you want some mindless old-school fun with a typical 80’s charm.

 

House House

 

Director: Steve Miner
Writers: Fred Dekker, Ethan Wiley
Country & year: USA, 1985
Actors: William Katt, George Wendt, Richard Moll, Kay Lenz, Mary Stavin, Michael Ensign, Erik Silver, Mark Silver, Susan French, Alan Autry, Steven Williams, James Calvert, Mindy Sterling
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091223/

 

Sequels:
House II: The Second Story (1987)
House III: The Horror Show (1989)

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

Dark Waters (1993)

Dark Waters Elizabeth receives a message about her father’s recent death on an island convent. This island is her place of birth, but she hasn’t been there since she was a child. It appears that her father used to give regular donations to the convent, and as her father’s sole beneficiary she will now have to determine whether these should continue. Elizabeth then travels to the place, but a heavy rainstorm has stopped all the traffic to the island. She ask one of the boat owners if he can take her over, but he refuses. Strangely, her conversation was overheard by a fisherman who offers to take her to the island, as he’s not afraid of the bad weather. Once there, she meets the ancient Mother Superior, who is (of course) blind. She will be staying at the convent, and a sweet and friendly nun named Sarah will be her guide. When they visit a decaying library, Elizabeth notices an illustration of a demonic creature, and a painting of two little girls and a pagan amulet. Soon, all kinds of weird nightmarish shit start to happen, and Elizabeth is bound to find out the disturbing secrets about the place, and her own connection to it.

 

Dark Waters (which is also known as Dead Waters in an American home-video edition) is a horror film from 1993 directed by Mariano Baino, co-written with Andy Bark. It was based on a short story by Andy, one that was inspired by his childhood visit to Staithes in North Yorkshire. The film is also one of the first western films shot in Ukraine after the collapse of the Soviet Union, and the process was a truly troubled one. The system there created some bumps in the road, with some travel problems and even multiple coup attempts where Mariano was awoken by gun fire while in Moscow for the dubbing. Still, the filming location provided cheap sets with spectacular locations for a low cost, and for a movie like this there’s no doubt that locations and scenery really puts the film up several notches.

 

There are some obvious Lovecraftian elements in Dark Waters, or Cave of a 1000 candles if you will because I haven’t seen so many candles being lit during a film production, ever. Must have been one hell of a job to lit all of those. Everything that surrounds our protagonist feels old, wet and otherworldly. Much of it appears very dreamlike, or nightmarish would probably be a better term, as all the locations and the people Elizabeth meets feel so incredibly…off. Everything from the strange location of the convent to the even stranger people she encounters. While obviously helped by great locations, the film is beautifully shot and with a competent and strong focus on contrast to enhance the mood as much as possible. There’s also some instances of decent gore, so another thumbs up for that.

 

What struck me the most while watching Dark Waters was that it has a very distinct 70’s vibe all over it, and if I didn’t know that it was a movie from 1993 I could have sworn it to be another hidden 70s gem. Instead, it’s anther hidden 90s gem, because this film is unfairly obscure and I’m quite sure that if it had been made as a throwback film these days, it would have garnered a lot more attention. Speaking of these days, there’s a 2023 film called Consecration, directed by Christopher Smith (Creep, 2004 and Triangle, 2009) where the plot looks very much alike this film. Not sure if that is some kind of unofficial remake though, as I haven’t yet seen it.

 

Dark Waters is an old-fashioned occult thriller, with a Lovecraftian and slightly surreal vibe to it. While the story is a bit murky, the film is all very much about style, mood and atmosphere. And candles, of course. Lots of ’em.

 

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Director: Mariano Baino
Writers: Mariano Baino, Andy Bark
Country & year: Russia/UK, 1993
Actors: Louise Salter, Venera Simmons, Mariya Kapnist, Lubov Snegur, Albina Skarga, Valeriy Bassel, Pavel Sokolov, Anna Rose Phipps, Tanya Dobrovolskaya, Valeriy Kopaev, Ludmila Marufova
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109550/

 

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. Caligari (1989)

Dr. CaligariDr. Caligari is experimenting with her patients at the Caligari Insane Asylum (or the C.I.A. for short). Among her many crazy patients, there’s Mr Pratt who is a cannibalistic serial killer, and then Mrs. Van Houten who is a nymphomaniac housewife. The doctor’s treatment? Mindswapping, of course! All done by transferring glandular brain fluids from one patient to the other. Nothing could go wrong here, nope, nothing at all. Of course, Dr. Caligari (who is, naturally, described as the descendant of the original Dr. Caligari from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari) has her enemies like all geniuses do, and the married couple Mr. and Mrs. Lodger wants her experiments to stop and turn to their father for help. Problem is, that their father has a very high opinion of the doctor, and refuses to do anything to stop her. At least not at first. And when he becomes another victim to her mindswapping techniques which turns him onto a nymphomaniac transvestite, there’s not many people left to stop her. Except…maybe the patients themselves…

 

Dr. Caligari is a really, really bizarre thing to watch. It’s an avant-garde horror film with a lot of erotic scenes, released in 1989 and directed by Stephen Sayadian. As you can expect from the title, it’s some kind of pseudo-sequel to the famous film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari from 1920. It was originally billed as Dr. Caligari 3000 for a short time when it debuted in select theaters, but after being released on VHS and Betamax, the title was shortened down. While it’s mostly a very obscure movie, it’s gotten a cult classic status. Despite the movie quickly falling into obscurity after its release, which shouldn’t be a surprise since this is so far from mainstream as you can get, Stephen Sayadian continued to direct X-rated movies up until 1993. As should probably be expected, several of the actors here also didn’t star in many other films after the 90s, including the lead actress Madeleine Reynal who only played in one movie prior to this one.

 

Now, how to properly explain this movie…well, what should be obvious is that the film is very much all about sex and deviance, but it never gets too graphic to be considered more than an R-rating. There’s some tits and nudity here and there, but nothing outright explicit. But one thing is for sure: everything here, and I mean absolutely everything, is totally fucknuts bonkers bizarre, with characters, scenery and dialogue that’s completely over the top in absurdity most of the time. Pretty much everything that’s said here is delivered in what I assume must be practiced monotony, especially the lines delivered by the titular character herself, and you’ll easily lose count of how many times the fourth wall is broken. Whenever a character opens their mouth to talk, it’s all a bunch of strained and artificial lines with very weird facial expressions to follow, often looking straight at the viewer. Mostly this was done on purpose, I guess, which adds to the very odd vibe throughout and gives a theater-play feeling to it. I have to give props when it comes to the special effects and scenery, the surrealistic insanity displayed here is something that must be seen to be believed. After all, a woman getting licked by a gigantic tongue sticking out from a wall of flesh isn’t something you see every day.

 

Dr. Caligari feels like some kind of wet fever dream Tim Burton could’ve had if he was locked up in a madhouse together with John Waters. If you want something truly bizarre that’s filled to the brim with naughty absurdities, then this one’s for you!

 

The movie was released on DVD, Blu-ray and 4K Ultra HD by Mondo Macabro. It is also available on Shudder.

 

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Director: Stephen Sayadian
Writers: Stephen Sayadian, Jerry Stahl
Country & year: USA, 1989
Actors: Madeleine Reynal, Fox Harris, Laura Albert, Jennifer Balgobin, John Durbin, Gene Zerna, David Parry, Barry Phillips, Magie Song, Jennifer Miro, Stephen Quadros, Carol Albright
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097228/

 

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

Tales from the Hood (1995)

Tales from the Hood Y’all know the tales from the crypt. But you’ve seen nuthin’ yet, cuz here’s the tales from tha motthafuckin’ HOoOD! … and that’s enough of me trying to talk like someone from the ghetto.

 

Stack, Ball and Bulldog are three young aspiring drug dealers who are on their way to meet Mr. Simms at his funeral home. And this Mr. Simms dude is a trip and as eccentric as he looks, something our homeboys are soon to experience when they get invited to his gothic and dim-lighted cozy home. And I bet the thick layer of weed rips those nostrils hard. Could I have some, please? Anyway, Stack, Ball and Bull are here to buy some drugs that Mr. Simms claims to have found in an alley. Mr. Simms has hidden the drugs somewhere in the house (and let us guess: the basement), but before we go down there, the old man has some stories to tell, all of which are based on the recent dead bodies lying in the caskets. All of them are actually true, of course, because don’t think otherwise. And as Mr. Simms says; Death… it comes in many strange packages.

 

The first story, called Rogue Cop Revelation, takes us to the gritty urban city streets which you can guess by the title what is about. Yup, police brutality and the every-day racism protected by the badge, and even more protected by the corrupted code that is Blue wall of silence. Yes, that is actually a thing. Protect, serve and God bless America. Here we meet the rookie cop Clarence (Anthony Griffith) and he couldn’t have a rougher start to his job when he one night is out patrolling with his scumbag partner Strom (Wings Hauser) and some other cops. Because Clarence is actually black, you see, and Strom is a first-class, rage-filled racist. Clarence gets set in a corner when Strom and the other cops beat the hell out of a black man for no reason. They beat him so badly till he dies, and then dump him with his car in the ocean by the docks to make it look like an accident.

 

So what now, Clarence? Do you break the code and rat on your colleagues, or pretend this never happened? He quits his job in guilt and shame and becomes an alcoholic. The comedic elements start to hit when Clarence returns from his grave, by reasons I won’t spoil, and takes his sweet revenge on the cops.

 

Tales from the Hood

 

The second story is titled Boys Do Get Bruised, and here we’re in a relatively quiet, middle-class suburb area where we meet the family of four: mom Sissy, dad Carl and their young introverted boy, Walter. He also wears some bruises that catch the eye of his teacher, Richard (played by the director himself, Rusty Cundieff), and he gets concerned about his well-being. Especially when he also gets bullied at school.

 

Richard tries to have a chat with Walter to ask him how he got those bruises, which are certainly not from the bullies. He says that a monster comes and terrorizes him while being in bed at night. And if we’re to believe him, we’re actually talking about a real boogely monster that he also makes some cute drawings of. The subject here is pretty obvious, here spiced up with metaphors and a batshit crazy conclusion that even Mr. Simms couldn’t come up with. And I also dare to guess that last year’s Cobweb took some inspiration from this.

 

KKK Comeuppance is the third story, and my favorite. Because…well, I can’t say without spoiling. But what little I can say is that here we have the sweet and short biopic of none other than the white supremacist, and former grand wizard of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, David Duke. Here he’s credited as Duke Metger as a combination of the neo-Nazi and founder of the White Aryan Resistance, Tom Metger, just to kill two snakes with one stone.

 

Tales from the Hood

 

So, here we have the pleasure of meeting Duke, played by an energetic Corbin Bernsen (The Dentist), a pompous and arrogant senator who’s running for governor in Louisiana. As an ex-member of the KKK and all that shadiness, people aren’t happy, and to add insult to injury, Duke is preparing his office at an old, historical plantation. One of the protesters, who had ancestors living there, won’t let that happen, and has a special plan for him that includes, yes you guessed it – Voodoo, which seems to work every time. This one gets pretty wild with some great use of stop-motion effects that would even make Charles Band drool like an infant. And I couldn’t stop thinking about the song Voodoo by Body Count.

 

Hard-Core Convert is the fourth and final story. And there isn’t much fun to have with this one, to be honest. But it’s a solid and well-made segment, though, that spits some hard red-pilled truths about the black gang communities. It’s another day in the hood when a gang-related shooting episode escalates, where Jerome gets shot, survives and gets thrown in jail. After being in the tank for four years, he gets met by Dr. Cushing (a nice, little nod to Dr. Van Helsing Peter Cushing) who offers him a plea-deal if he participates in an experimental rehabilitation program. He, of course, takes the offer, and what happens next is a more twisted version of A Clockwork Orange, where Jerome gets put into a sensory deprivation chamber to get confronted by all the people he’d killed over the years, all of whom are black. One of his victims is also a little girl. A bleak segment, this one. Now I want some more weed.

 

But while this was the final story, we have an encore here. And boy, o’boy … nothing can prepare you for this!

 

And that’s pretty much how far I can go into each segment without spoiling the whole damn thing. But you see the pattern of social commentary here, told with a morbid and great sense of humor. Black humor in the purest form, if you will, where a ridiculous, zany and charismatic Clarence Williams III steals the entire show between the segments with his electric performance as the mortician Simms. He looks like a bizarro version of Samuel L. Jackson who’s just slipped into a pool filled with cocaine. Tales from the Hood is overall a wild ride and a timeless, little classic that seems as fresh and relevant today, much due to the subject matters.

 

Tales from the Hood

 

 

Director: Rusty Cundieff
Writers: Rusty Cundieff, Darin Scott
Country & year: USA, 1995
Actors: Clarence Williams III, Joe Torry, De’aundre Bonds, Samuel Monroe Jr., Wings Hauser, Tom Wright, Anthony Griffith, Michael Massee, Duane Whitaker, David Alan Grier, Brandon Hammond, Rusty Cundieff, Paula Jai Parker, Corbin Bernsen
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114609/

 

 

Tom Ghoul