Call Girl of Cthulhu (2014)

Call Girl of CthulhuWe meet the young, starving artist Carter who lives in a cramped apartment complex, where he spends most of his time in his room, jerking off to a blonde cam girl. He immediately catches sight of the escort Riley, whom he falls in love with at first glance and starts dating. At the same time, Sebastian is in town, looking for prostitutes who should have the mark of a baby Cthulhu on one of their butt cheeks. And he always goes straight to the point by asking, with his Oscar-worthy line: “Ladies, would you mind taking off your skirts? I would like to look at your … asses”. By the way, he is a sleazy cult leader who is looking for the chosen woman to give birth to the child of the alien / God Cthulhu, and then destroy humanity. Riley eventually pops up on his radar after he sees a nude portrait of her, which has been drawn by Carter, with that specific Cthulhu mark – something Riley only thinks is a birthmark. It is not long before Carter has to team up with a group of Monster Hunters to save his damsel and the world from its doom. And by the way, yes, the jealous and mildly insane roommate Erica is secretly in love with Carter who opens up for a bit of a silly triangle drama, or something like that.


At first glance, Call Girl of Cthulhu could easily sound like a porn spoof with a crazy premise that belongs in the 1980s in a corner somewhere in Tromaville. A dizzy ride with a lot of good cartoonish humor, energy and self-awareness that makes a lot itself with a small budget and limited resources. While some of the old-school effects are quite impressive and inventive, others looks like something one could see in an elementary school play. And what’s the deal with Sebastian’s henchmen with the pacifiers in their mouth? Talk about some edge-lords, I guess. Mr. Lovecraft did encourage others to borrow ideas from his stories, but maybe he would have rolled in his grave to this insanity, where we are entertained with monster dicks, monster tits, zombies, sleazy nudity and an unique insight into an escort’s lugubrious everyday life. Or he might have loved it, who knows. Regardless, there is a lot of enthusiasm and love for Lovecraft’s imagination that balances and walks the line perfectly on spoofing and praising him with dedicated amateur actors who seem to have a lot of fun.


Call Girl of Cthulhu


Director: Chris LaMartina
Country & year: USA, 2014
Actors: David Phillip Carollo, Melissa LaMartina, Nicolette le Faye, Dave Gamble, Helenmary Ball, Sabrina Taylor-Smith, Alex Mendez, Craig Peter Coletta, Elena Rose,  George Stover, Leanna Chamish, Troy Jennings, Stephanie Anders, Ruby Larocca


Tom Ghoul
















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