Call Girl of Cthulhu (2014)

We meet the young, starving artist Carter who lives in a cramped apartment complex, where he spends most of his time in his room, jerking off to a blonde cam girl. He immediately catches sight of the escort Riley, whom he falls in love with at first glance and starts dating. At the same time, Sebastian is in town, looking for prostitutes who should have the mark of a baby Cthulhu on one of their butt cheeks. And he always goes straight to the point by asking, with his Oscar-worthy line: “Ladies, would you mind taking off your skirts? I would like to look at your … asses”. By the way, he is a sleazy cult leader who is looking for the chosen woman to give birth to the child of the alien / God Cthulhu, and then destroy humanity. Riley eventually pops up on his radar after he sees a nude portrait of her, which has been drawn by Carter, with that specific Cthulhu mark – something Riley only thinks is a birthmark. It is not long before Carter has to team up with a group of Monster Hunters to save his damsel and the world from its doom. And by the way, yes, the jealous and mildly insane roommate Erica is secretly in love with Carter who opens up for a bit of a silly triangle drama, or something like that.


At first glance, Call Girl of Cthulhu could easily sound like a porn spoof with a crazy premise that belongs in the 1980s in a corner somewhere in Tromaville. A dizzy ride with a lot of good cartoonish humor, energy and self-awareness that makes a lot itself with a small budget and limited resources. While some of the old-school effects are quite impressive and inventive, others looks like something one could see in an elementary school play. And what’s the deal with Sebastian’s henchmen with the pacifiers in their mouth? Talk about some edge-lords, I guess. Mr. Lovecraft did encourage others to borrow ideas from his stories, but maybe he would have rolled in his grave to this insanity, where we are entertained with monster dicks, monster tits, zombies, sleazy nudity and an unique insight into an escort’s lugubrious everyday life. Or he might have loved it, who knows. Regardless, there is a lot of enthusiasm and love for Lovecraft’s imagination that balances and walks the line perfectly on spoofing and praising him with dedicated amateur actors who seem to have a lot of fun.


Call Girl of Cthulhu


Director: Chris LaMartina
Country & year: USA, 2014
Actors: David Phillip Carollo, Melissa LaMartina, Nicolette le Faye, Dave Gamble, Helenmary Ball, Sabrina Taylor-Smith, Alex Mendez, Craig Peter Coletta, Elena Rose,  George Stover, Leanna Chamish, Troy Jennings, Stephanie Anders, Ruby Larocca
IMDb: //


Tom Ghoul















The Call of Cthulhu (2005)

A man is organizing the affairs of his recently deceased uncle, and accidentally comes across a series of notes and paper clippings which tells about the Cthulhu Cult and an ancient horror lurking beneath the sea. Intrigued by all of this, he continues to investigate, getting more and more drawn into the mystery of this cult and the creature Cthulhu, which is a gigantic entity worshipped by the cultists: a creature in the shape of an octopus, a dragon, and a caricature of the human form. There is an occult phrase that, when translated, says “In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming“, meaning that the cultists await its return. As he learns more and more about this cult and the cosmic entity they worship, he gets closer to losing his sanity completely.


H.P. Lovecraft is one of the most influential horror writers of all time, especially his Cthulhu mythos. His works have even created a sub-genre within horror that’s called “Lovecraftian horror“. While there aren’t actually that many movies that are fully based on his stories, there are a lot of them who are heavily inspired by his tales of cosmic horror.


The Call of Cthulhu is both a faithful rendition of H.P Lovecraft’s short story by the same name, as well as a homage to the black and white silent movie era. This, of course, means you get lots of gesticulation from the actors since the dialogue is shown only with intertitles, aka title cards, causing body language and facial expressions to have a much bigger significance in order to portray the character’s feelings and emotions.


The film’s highlights are, of course, the creative visuals. The soundtrack is also top-notch, fitting every scene perfectly and fulfilling the film like hand in glove. In such a nightmarish tale of cultists and ancient horrors, I think it hits the nail on the head with portraying the intended feeling of impending doom, where the protagonist’s investigations slowly reveals upon him just how insignificant humankind really is.


I dare say that you do not need to be a Lovecraft enthusiast in order to appreciate this movie. There’s a lot of mood and atmosphere to admire here, especially if you can value the 1920’s style.


The Call of Cthulhu


Director: Andrew Leman
Country & year: USA, 2005
Actors: Matt Foyer, John Bolen, Ralph Lucas, Chad Fifer, Susan Zucker, Kalafatic Poole, John Klemantaski, Jason Owens, D. Grigsby Poland, David Mersault, Barry Lynch, Dan Novy, Daryl Ball, John Joly, Jason Peterson
IMDb: //


Vanja Ghoul