The Woman in Black (1989)

The Woman in BlackIt’s the fine year of 1925 and the place is a chronic depressive England where it’s always gloomy and misty and extra cozy by the fireplace. Arthur Kidd (played by Harry Potter’s dad, Adrian Rawlings) is a young solicitor in his early 30s. He’s married and has two children who he has to kiss goodbye for a while when his boss sends him from London to a small sleepy Greendale’ish coastal town. The first assignment is to attend the funeral of the mysterious upper-class woman Alice Drablow. And she was not the most popular person in town as only three, or so, is taking the last ta-ta before she gets lowered six feet under. RIP. The townsfolk refuse to talk about her as if she was some Voldermort.

 

Now the tedious work starts. And that is to visit Drablow’s gothic mansion, called Eel Marsh House, located by itself on an isle with a tidal causeway, and go through a mountain of papers. The old mansion, overgrown with vines and frozen in time, looks more welcoming than it should, but it doesn’t take long before the bad vibes creep in.

 

We don’t see much of the woman in black, but we absolutely feel her stone-cold presence, although most of the film happens during the daytime. And it actually works as the surroundings are bleak and ghostly by itself, where it doesn’t matter much if you spot a ghost at night or in broad daylight. That’s England for you.

 

The woman in black is played by Pauline Moran, who could as well be the sister of Jean Marsh. When we first see her outside the house where she gets the first direct eye contact with Arthur, she eyeballs him right through his sorry soul with sadness and burning radioactive hatred. She has that look as if someone just bent over and gave a big, bubbly, wet bean fart straight at her face. And once you’ve got eye contact with her, you’re, more or less, marked for life and will never be the same again, somewhat similar to a certain cursed Asian VHS tape from the 1990s.

 

There’s also a family graveyard by the house. Not subtle at all. So, of course, this place is haunted. But there’s work to do. Arthur gets a cute little dog, Spike, to keep him company as he dives more and more into her papers, going through cryptic tape recordings, to finally settle down the Eel Marsh House.

 

The Woman in Black

 

Then the good boy gets worried, runs out and disappears in the thick fog. As Arthur runs after him, he only hears screams coming from everywhere and the sounds of horses galloping. So what’s he gonna do? Take the train back to London and tell his cigar-smoking boss with a straight face that he got spooked away by ghosts? Of course not. And when the work is done it will finally be time to go back home to London, and hopefully forget about that creepy woman in black. But she won’t forget about you. Never. And no, nothing bad happens to the dog, so chill down.

 

The film is directed by Herbert Wise, based on the novel by Susan Hill. The script is written by Nigel Kneale, one of the most prolific screenwriters in the UK at the time. This is not your typical ghost ride with jump scares, loud music and so on, and certainly not for TikTokers with a half-second attention span. The Woman in Black is a classy ghost story, a tragic one as well, told in the old-fashioned style as the mystery of this Alice Drablow is basically told via letters and eerie tape recordings.

 

The film is very slow-burn’ish at times where we have some slick and elegant long one-shot takes so we can get a real sense of the place. The mood and the somber, gloomy cold atmosphere are the strongest elements here where with clever use of sound design, especially during the thick fog scenes. I also find it more effective that we see most of the woman in black at a distance where her sickly face is more blurred and obscured, which makes her look way more ghostly and mysterious. Makes me think of the cover of the first Black Sabbath record.

 

The film is also known for that scene which alone was enough to ruin the whole Christmas for the Brits when it aired on the telly. The scene that really got me though, was the ending. So simple yet so damn chilling. As a low-budget movie made for TV, it surely looks impressive, still after 30-plus years, and the performances are solid.

 

Susan Hill was, of course, not particularly happy with the adaptation for small, eye-rolling nitpick reasons. One of which is that the screenwriter, Nigel Kneale, actually had the nerve to change the gender of Arthur’s dog! Ooof, oh my. Stephen King gives a pat on the shoulder as he relates.

 

After the film was shown on Christmas Eve in England 1989, followed by a quick VHS release, it disappeared, poof, like a ghost itself. It wasn’t until the 2000s that a DVD was released in Canada, a copy I bought myself before it eventually got out-of-print. The film finally got an official Blu-ray release in 2024 after a long, long, long copyright dispute. The rights were not owned by Susan Hill herself, but by a trinity of holy ghosts technicians: a make-up artist, a costume designer and an assistant director. What a headache.

 

The Woman in Black is also one of Guillermo Del Toro’s favorite haunted house films, which should be enough of a selling point. So don’t listen to me. The 2012 version, produced by Hammer Films with Daniel Radcliffe in the main role, is also a good one.

 

The Woman in Black The Woman in Black

 

Director: Herbert Wise
Writer: Nigel Kneale
Country & year: UK, 1989
Actors: Adrian Rawlins, Bernard Hepton, David Daker, Pauline Moran, David Ryall, Clare Holman, John Cater, John Franklyn-Robbins, Fiona Walker, William Simons
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098672

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

Waxwork II: Lost in Time (1992)

Waxwork II: Lost in TimeWaxwork II starts immediately where the first film left us (spoiler alert if you haven’t already seen the first movie!) where Mark and Sarah are escaping the waxwork that’s burning down to the ground. While they board a taxi and get the hell out of there, we see that they’re not the only ones who were able to escape: the severed hand from the zombie exhibit is crawling out of the space, Thing-style, and follows Sarah to her home. There, we get introduced to her abusive a-hole stepfather, who gets killed by the zombie hand with a hammer. Who gets the blame? Sarah, of course, and then everything is turned into some murder-trial-defense scenario. Mark, desperate to save his girlfriend, tries to find a way to convince the jury that a zombie hand really killed her stepfather, but in order to do so he needs to prove that such a Thing exists in the first place, and thus Mark must travel through several worlds in order to gather evidence that can save Sarah. Aaand here we go into total sci-fi/fantasy/cosmic/something-something hodgepodge that only makes the slightest sense if you’ve been dosing on some magic mushrooms.

 

Waxwork II: Lost in Time is a dark fantasy comedy horror film from 1992, written and directed by Anthony Hickox who also wrote and directed the first film, Waxwork (1988). It premiered in the Philippines on March 26, 1992, and got a direct-to-video release in the US later that year despite originally having been intended as a theatrical release like its predecessor.

 

Like the first movie, there’s some familiar faces to see. Zach Gilligan reprises his role as Mark, the protagonist. David Carradine (well known as Bill in the Kill Bill movies) also has a role here as a beggar, and we have Bruce Campbell in possibly the best segment in the movie, shot in black & white which is a homage to The Haunting from 1963 (the segment even has the same title).

 

Overall, the movie is complete nonsense from start to finish. It’s a lot more goofy than the first, and paying tons more homages to horror classics of all kinds with more than a few nods to multiple fantasy films as well. Unlike the first film, there’s no Wax Museum here, just…portals to other dimensions or something like that, which are all homages to other films. And there’s sooo much here: nods to Nosferatu, Godzilla, Dawn of the Dead, Alien, etc. etc. Just like the first, it isn’t afraid to spill a bit of blood for us gorehounds, sometimes doused with a good amount of cheese, like the scene with Bruce Campbell getting his ribcage exposed, and Frankenstein doing a good old head-smashing with popping eyeballs and a brain flying straight out of the top of the skull. Great times! There’s also a rather lengthy medieval segment which does outstay its welcome a bit, but it’s also where most of the (nonsensical) story is progressing, and where the villain, Lord Scarabus, resides.

 

It’s hard to really get much into this movie plot-wise as it’s so all over the place and so silly and nonsensical that just trying to think too much about it makes me feel like my brain is going to take a flight just like in the Frankenstein scene. If you thought the first movie was too asinine for your taste, then gee whiz, are you going to have some trouble with this one…

 

Overall, Waxwork II: Lost in Time is a fun watch if you’ve already seen the first and can enjoy movies that are utter silliness. It’s got its fair share of charm and entertainment value despite being somewhat of a mess. One of the major highlights in the movie are the tons of horror references that’s bound to be a fun watch for most horror fans.

 

Waxwork II: Lost in Time Waxwork II: Lost in Time Waxwork II: Lost in Time

 

 

Writer and director: Anthony Hickox
Country & year: USA, 1992
Actors: Zach Galligan, Monika Schnarre, Martin Kemp, Bruce Campbell, Michael Des Barres, Jim Metzler, Sophie Ward, Marina Sirtis, David Carradine, Alexander Godunov, George ‘Buck’ Flower
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105792/

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

Waxwork (1988)

WaxworkTwo college students, Sarah and China, have a strange encounter with an odd gentleman who owns a mysterious wax museum and invites them to have a look at the exhibit. Later, they bring along with them some of their friends: Mark, Gemma, James, and Tony. The museum has a lot of morbid displays, but nothing suspicious about that, it’s just the perfect ghoulish fun any horror wax museum should have. But of course, there’s something sinister at play…and the college students soon find out that if they get too close to an exhibit, they will end up in a pocket dimension where the scene unfolds in real life. Tony ends up in a werewolf exhibit where he encounters a hunter and his son, who is there to kill the creature. There’s no surprise that this doesn’t end well for Tony. China is sent to a castle where none other than Count Dracula himself turns her into a vampire. Mark and Sarah, however, never gets too close to any of the exhibits, and leave the museum while wondering where the hell their friends are at. Soon, they both realize something is very wrong with the museum, and they even try to make the police intervene. You can probably guess how that goes. Still, the museum has a lot more in store for its visitors…a lot more!

 

Waxwork is a comedy horror film from 1988, written and directed by Anthony Hickox in his directorial debut. It is partially inspired by Waxworks, a German silent film from 1924.

 

Waxwork is a very good mix of horror and comedy, where the tone is overall very whimsical but also offers a nice amount of decent gore scenes. It’s quite campy at times, but that only works in the movie’s favor. The practical effects here are pretty good, which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise when Bob Keen was brought on board to work on the visuals effects. His special effects can also be seen in other horror movies like Hellraiser (1987), Lifeforce (1985), among several more. Like a typical teen-slasher, though, the movie is set up with a lot of teen characters you couldn’t really give a fiddle about. So don’t expect any great in-depth personalities or anything…most of them are just there to get killed off by the exhibits. There is also a pretty bonkers finale, filled with chaos and absurd fun!

 

Some familiar faces can be seen here, including Zach Galligan as Mark, who is most known for his role in Gremlins (1984), David Warner as the Waxwork man, known for his roles in many films and series, including Omen (1976), In the Mouth of Madness (1994), Ice Cream Man (1995) and many more. And there’s also Mihaly ‘Michu’ Meszaros who is most known for a full-body costume role where you’d never recognize him: ALF aka Gordon Shumway! Aside from some well-known actors, the movie includes a ton of references to many horror icons among the exhibits coming to life: there’s a werewolf, vampires, a Golem, a mummy, Frankenstein’s Monster, Jack the Ripper, and so much more! Even Marquis de Sade, a real-life french nobleman who was, and still is, notorious for his writings and from where the term Sadism stems from. Whether or not he was just a depraved monster or a misunderstood genius in a whole other debate, though, but in this movie he’s one of the major villains.

 

Waxwork is one of those 80’s horror movies where you just sit back, and more or less nods to yourself and thinking yup, this is one of those movies that could only have been made back in the day. Easily a typical comfort-horror. A nice 80’s horror film filled with nonsense of the fun and ghoulish kind!

 

Waxwork Waxwork Waxwork

 

 

Writer and director: Anthony Hickox
Country & year: USA, 1988
Actors: Zach Galligan, Jennifer Bassey, Joe Baker, Deborah Foreman, Michelle Johnson, David Warner, Eric Brown, Buckley Norris, Dana Ashbrook, Micah Grant, Mihaly ‘Michu’ Meszaros, John Rhys-Davies
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096426/

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

Phantasm III (1994)

Phantasm III What tha FUCK was THAT??

That’s… kinda hard to explain. 

 

Just like the previous one, Phantasm III, also known as Lord of the Dead BooooOOOOYS, picks up right after the previous ended. So no, it wasn’t all a dream, after all. Or maybe a dream within a dream…who the hell knows. Reggie gets out of The Tall Man’s hearse while it’s moving, all messy and bloody before the car suddenly explodes. Liz dies instantly while Mike (A. Michael Baldwin) survives but gets knocked unconsciously. Reggie and Mike get surrounded by the evil Jawas and The Tall Man, who holds the severed head of Liz. Reggie unlocks a timer grenade to just end it all. I don’t want him in pieces (Mike), The Tall Man says. Well, as it looks like now, that’s the only way he’s gonna get him. The Tall Man backs off before he tells Reggie to take good care of Mike while he waits.

 

Mike gets taken to the hospital where he falls into a coma. It doesn’t look too good, as he’s walking towards the light in a bright blue hallway among other dead silhouettes. And I’m sure I spotted Tangina and Kane for a second. But one particular sticks out. It’s… Jodi, Mike’s dead big brother, again played by Bill Thornbury. And he looks bored of his mind. After a quick reunion, Jodi tells Mike to stay away from the light and go back. The Tall man shows up and orders him with his strict boooOOOY line delivery to turn back since he wants him alive. Mike wakes up only to get attacked by a ghoulish nurse. Mike shoves a metal pipe through her neck. Reggie comes in and gets her yellow blood spurted all over his face. A sphere forces itself out of her scalp and flies in front of Mike. An eye comes out of the Sphere (yes, they have eyes now) to take a good look at Mike before it flies out of the window. WTF. Just another day in Phantasm land.

 

Mike and Reg drive away to find an abandoned house to take shelter for the night. Jodi pops up again and transforms himself into a sphere. Why? Who knows. Reg is fed up with the bullshit and just wants to shoot it right away. Can’t you hear it? It’s Jodi. He’s in the ball, talking to me, says a robotic and not-so convincing A. Michael Baldwin. This is certainly not the same Baldwin we saw in the first film. His replacement from Phantasm II must have broken him. And now that Mike finally stands on his feet again, The Tall Man walks in to claim him. It’s time now, boy! Jody, or JodySphere, gets transformed by a rusty useless ball by The Tall Man, before he and Mike disappear into a dimension far, far away. Reggie takes JodySphere with him, drives through abandoned ghost towns, once again in Supernatural-style, with his 1971 Cuda to track down The Tall Man and save Mike.

 

A. Michael Baldwin’s return as Mike gets rather cut short as the plot takes a complete detour with a bloated but entertaining sideplot where Reggie joins forces with the boy Tim (Kevin Connors), the tough nunchaku chick Rocky (Gloria Lynne Henry) and gets some bumps in the road by a small gang of scavengers. The aspects with Tim is pretty fun though, as he lives alone in his house after his parents got killed by, yeah you guess it, The Tall Man, and rigged the whole place with death traps and small escape doorways. The idea with Tim could have worked as a movie by itself or a spin-off. There’s an awkward non-romance moment with Reg and Rocky at a motel where he gets tricked into having some kink time in handcuffs, only to dupe him so she can have a good night’s sleep. Then we have the obligatory mausoleum scenes where spheres show up and make a bloody mess. The spheres have gotten more upgrades, like eyes used as surveillance cameras, and they also have Homer Simpson-sized brains that are small enough to fit.

 

After the previous film underperformed, Don Coscarelli was back on the independent playground. Whether that was for the best or worse, is another question. Bringing back A. Michael Baldwin and Bill Thornbury was an obvious choice now that Coscarelli was free to do what the hell he wanted. Just too bad that the chemistry between the two brothers is like two wet socks. Things are far from what they once were in 1979, and not just with Baldwin. I bet that Coscarelli got cold feet, tossed the brothers in the backburner, rewrote the script and placed Reggie in the front seat with brand new colorful characters.

 

As a direct-to-video, Phantasm III looks pretty polished with some fun action, wild car chases, explosions, gore, zany sci-fi moments, nods to Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead and, overall, what makes a great Phantasm film. It doesn’t have much of the spooky atmosphere as the first two, but is still an entertaining ride with lots of 1990s charm. The leftovers of the bigger WTFs get saved for the last 15 minutes or so, where we only get more cryptic questions than answers just to open the doors for a quick cliffhanger. And honestly, the franchise could as well just have ended here, because the next two installments we got are just … bollocks. If you thought that these films weren’t confusing enough, you’ve seen nothing yet.

 

Just to quote The Tall Man himself: It’s Never Over!

 

Don Coscaralli followed up with Phantasm IV: Oblivion four years later. The only significant thing we get is a quick backstory to The Tall Man, which isn’t that interesting. Some regard this as the best in the series, for some reason, and others as the worst (that was until we got the fifth film). My main issue is that this is just a dull movie that tries to go back to its roots with a slowburn pace that goes nowhere. Poor Reggie gets a flat tire (if I remember right) and has a long dull fight scene with a zombie cop. And Mike? He’s… somewhere.

 

There’s no set-pieces here, just the empty desert environment of Death Valley, where Mike just drives through the dark ether, sleeps in the car and walks aimlessly in the sunny desert as if he is just having an existential midlife crisis. And maybe that’s the case. What the hell do I know. The leftover scenes from the first film, that were used for time traveling, could be a great idea if we got some more than just dead meat and fillertime to close the whole blurry mess with It was just the wind.

 

Then, after 17 years, we finally got Phantasm: Ravager. And, oh man… The plot here is that Reggie is withering away in a nursing home with dementia where he dips in and out of dreamland where we follow him in different random scenarios to look for Mike… even though Mike visits Reggie regularly while he’s lying in his bed and looking confused. And drawing the parallels between the real Reggie Bannister’s unfortunate health condition makes this even more sad. Melancholia isn’t an unknown thick layer for the Phantasm universe, but this is just depressing, in a bad way. Another day in Phantasm land or not, I wanna go home now.

 

We have lots of terrible green screens in the most classy SyFy Channel-style, where you’re almost expecting David Hasselhoff to pop out and sing Hooked on a Feeling any minute. This is the worst kind of fan fiction slop one can shart out. Ravager was originally meant to be a series of short films with no other ambitions than dump it on YouTube. And it clearly shows and explains everything. The film was directed by David Hartman, and I’m a little shocked that Don Coscarelli actually was involved with the writing process here. Angus Scrimm died some months after the film was released, at the age of 89. RIP.

 

Sorry for closing the Phantasm reviews with such a sour note, but it is what it is. Watch the first three. They’re great. That being said, keep the balls in the air and peace out.

 

Phantasm III Phantasm III Phantasm III

 

 

Writer and director: Don Coscarelli
Country & year: USA, 1994
Also known as: Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead
Actors: Reggie Bannister, A. Michael Baldwin, Angus Scrimm, Bill Thornbury, Gloria Lynne Henry, Kevin Connors, Cindy Ambuehl, John Davis Chandler, Brooks Gardner, Irene Roseen
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110823/

 

Prequels:
– Phantasm (1979)
– Phantasm II (1988)

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

Phantasm II (1988)

Phantasm IIBooooOOOOY and GiiiiIIIIRL !

 

Almost a decade flew away among the cocaine leftover dust during the 1980s before a sequel was made. In the meantime, Don Coscarelli made the sword & sorcerer flick The Beastmaster (1982) and had no desire to make another horror movie. That was until some producer at Universal Studios finally saw Phantasm, lit a fat cigar, poured a glass of whiskey, gave Coscarelli a call, and said: That cliffhanger, bro! I’ll give you a budget of 3 million dollars so you can make a sequel. There was only one demand and that was to either replace A. Michael Baldwin or Reggie Bannister. Coscarelli couldn’t in his wildest imagination picture someone else as Reggie as… Reggie. Who could. It would be like replacing Bruce Campbell as Ash Williams, and I bet Coscarelli saw that right on. Don’t touch the ponytail. So the sacrifice went to Baldwin, a decision that made him very bitter for decades to such an extent that he just pretended that the movie didn’t exist. Or maybe he was just mad because he missed the opportunity to make out with Paula Irvine. His replacement went to James Le Gros, who was chosen over Brad Pitt. I’ll admit it was very distracting at first, since he looks eons apart from Baldwin. But hey, that’s just showbiz.

 

This is the first film Reggie Bannister appeared in since the first Phantasm. In the meantime, he worked at a… funeral home. Of course. He hasn’t changed much during the nine years. He slips into the role and his chill mannerism as if it was yesterday, or I’d just assume that he’s one of those unique actors who can just play themselves. The same goes for Angus Scrimm, who really embraced playing the character of The Tall Man as much he loved the phans of the franchise.

 

Phantasm II starts right off after the first ended. Mike’s brother Jody is dead after dying in a car crash. Mike is convinced that was because of The Tall Man. Reggie tries to comfort him while the fireplace is lit in the background, saying it was just a car crash and The Tall Man is not real. After losing both his parents and now his big brother, Reggie suggests that they should hit the road and get a fresh start. The Tall Man is suddenly behind Mike and captures him in his bedroom, after his iconic line BooooOOOOY! As the evil Jawa-looking dwarfs, called Lurkers, pop out of everywhere, Reggie turns up the gas stoves, saves Mike at the last second and jumps out a window before we have one of the most epic house explosions in a horror movie.

 

Then we skip seven years later where Mike has spent his time in a psych ward. He finally gets released after lying to the doctor by saying that everything was in his head. Sarah Connor frowns. Mike then celebrates his new freedom by visiting Disneyland. Just kidding – he goes straight to Morningside Cemetery to find three empty coffins. Reggie pops up, and he’s disappointed that Mike still hasn’t realized that it was all in his head. Yeah, someone is in some deep denial here, or, whatever. Mike also has some telepathy connections with a blonde girl, Liz (Paula Irvine), who also is on a mission to take down The Tall Man. Because her grandpa is on the deathbed and, to quote the boogeyman’s own words, You think that when you die, you go to Heaven. You come to us!, she doesn’t want The Tall Man to claim him. Of course not. That must have been the greatest grandpa.

 

Mike begs Reggie to help him. But the priorities have changed since last time as he’s gotten married and has a daughter. He drives Mike home to meet his family, only to get met with the sight of his house being blown to pieces. By who? Take a guess. RIP to Reg’s family that we never got to meet. Well, there’s no reason now to not join forces, hit the gas, loot some weapons, and hunt down the prime evil himself.

 

Along the way, they pick up a young woman, Alchemy (Samantha Phillips). And…she’s a weird bird and Reggie is drooling all over her. Hey, Reg, you’re a good guy, but your wife and daughter just died. Some cope with grief differently, I guess. They have a bizarre sex scene where Reggie does all in his power to not touch her naked breasts. That’s because Reggie’s real-life wife was on the set that day. Ooof. It took six hours to shoot that short scene. Must have been torture. Samantha Phillips didn’t understand the script at all (can’t blame her) and why the hell her character just wanted to have sex with a random bald guy. Coscarelli, the genius that he is, said: You have a fetish for bald heads. Oki-doki then. There’s, of course, something more to her than just being an excuse to shoehorn a sex scene.

 

We get introduced to Reggie’s iconic signature weapon, the Quadruple-barrel shotgun, as he segways himself to become the wholesome action hero of the franchise. Here, he only uses the shotgun once before he just throws it away. We get more blasting in the next film though.

 

Phantasm II offers a more action vibe with some road-movie elements in purest Supernatural-style. The plot is more straight-forward, and, of course, more gory. Reggie did all his stunts himself, except in the epic chainsaw fight scene. The bigger budget shows, as we also have bigger scale set-pieces and more technical abilities. The atmosphere is way more ghoulish where we have the most sinister-looking mausoleum that was built for the film where one can smell the eeriness. The spheres have gotten some mods, like a laser beam and a little blade to chop off ears. I bet Robotnik is a bit jealous.

 

The effects are done by veterans like Greg Nicatero and Robert Kurtzman, where we have a grotesque Tall Man minion-puppet that sure would have caused some serious back pain. A sphere flies through someone’s body and almost through the mouth. Awesome stuff. James Le Gros as Mike took its time to get used to. He does an alright job. Nothing too special. Reggie and Angus Scrimm steals the show. This Liz character, however, seemed pretty pointless, and so did the psychic power elements, which are completely gone in the next films. But again, that’s Phantasm for you. Don’t look much for logic, just enjoy the ride.

 

Phantasm II is regarded as the best one in the series, like a handful of other second films in a horror franchise. But one particular individual that didn’t like it and gave it a one star, was the one and only, Roger Ebert, who had this interesting take:

The target audience for “Phantasm II” obviously is teenagers, especially those with abbreviated attention spans, who require a thrill a minute. But why would images of death and decay seem entertaining to them? For the same reason, I imagine, that the horror genre has always been attractive to adolescents. They feel immortal, immune to the processes of aging and death, and so to them these scenes of coffins and corpses represent a psychological weapon against adults. Kids will never die. Only adults will die.

 

It’s fair to assume that Ebert had some serious thanatophobia (fear of death). Nothing wrong with that. We all have our phobias. But maybe that explains why he notoriously hated horror movies so much and despised watching them since it was a part of his job. RIP.

 

Phantasm II Phantasm II Phantasm II

 

 

Writer and director: Don Coscarelli
Country & year: USA, 1988
Actors: James Le Gros, Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm, Paula Irvine, Samantha Phillips, Kenneth Tigar, Ruth C. Engel, Mark Major, Rubin Kushner
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095863/

 

Prequel:
– Phantasm (1979)

Sequel:
– Phantasm III (1994)

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

Phantasm (1979)

PhantasmI had a compunction to try to do something in the horror genre and I started thinking about how our culture handles death; it’s different than in other societies. We have this central figure of a mortician. He dresses in dark clothing, he lurks behind doors, they do procedures on the bodies we don’t know about. The whole embalming thing, if you ever do any research on it, is pretty freaky. It all culminates in this grand funerary service production. It’s strange stuff. It just seemed like it would be a great area in which to make a film. ― Don Coscarelli

 

And speaking of strange stuff; something really, really strange is going on at the local Morningside Cemetery in a sleepy Oregon suburb. The 13-year-old boy, Mike (A. Michael Baldwin) can tell about a mysterious, elderly, tall, Ebenezer Scrooge’ish mortician, simply called The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm), who steals coffins, puts them in his hearse with his bare hands (!), and drives away. WTF. And yes, there’s a lot of WTF’s here, the whole franchise is a big fat WTF. After spying on him with binoculars, Mike hops on his scooter and follows him to a mansion. And if the place looks familiar, it’s the legendary Dunsmuir House. But that’s only the nice facade of something much more, well, sinister.

 

His big brother Jody (Bill Thornbury) doesn’t believe what Mike’s saying. That’s until Mike manages to cut of a finger of The Tall Man after his hand gets trapped between a door. Yellow blood spurts. Mike puts the finger in a small box, and as he opens it to show his brother, the finger is alive and crawls like a larva. Oki doki, I believe you! So… where do we go from here? Calling the cops? Yeah, right. The finger turns into a cheap-looking fly with toothpicks as teeth that ends up being shoved down the garbage disposal.

 

Anyway, Jody is now more than convinced and so is his bandmate and the local ice cream man, Reggie (Reggie Bannister), who makes it really clear as he’s saying while pointing his index finger in the air:

Okay. I see it, I see it all now. What we gotta do is we gotta snag that tall dude and stomp the shit out of him, and we’ll find out what the hell is going on up there. Yeah! We lay that sucker out flat and drive a stake right through his goddamn heart!

If it was just that simple, ’cause that mother’s strong, Mike says. Well, he’ll eventually realize that you should never underestimate a bald ice cream vendor guy with a ponytail. Shantae would agree with that.

 

And then we, of course, have the iconic crystal balls/spheres, an element that follows and gets some cool upgrades throughout the films. They’re the sentinel drones of The Tall Man, which simply flies straight to the victims and trespassers’ foreheads, drills into their skull and sucks all the blood from their brain. Gnarly. The head of Larry Fessenden would give a sphere a whole field day.

 

So, what exactly is a Phantasm? It’s The delusion of a distorted mind. A phantom. A spirit. A ghost. It’s what you yourself make it out to be. It can be all from grandpa Seth, Bigfoot, to the haunted skeletons in your closet. In other words, the franchise never gives us a clear answer or a satisfying conclusion, not even close. Only leaving more questions, just like a fever dream would. I had this weird dream last night, ya know.

 

Don Coscarelli (also known for the alternative Elvis Presley’s coming-of-old-age biopic Bubba Ho-Tep) was only 23 years old when he wrote, directed, produced and edited his passion project Phantasm over the course of one year during chaotic weekends. The calling to make a horror movie came as a lightbolt over Coscarelli’s head when people jumped in their seats over a scene in his previous Halloween-themed comedy-drama film, Kenny & Company (1976). Scaring people is fun, eh? OoOoh yeah! The original plan was to make an adaptation of Ray Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes, but the license had already been sold to Disney.

 

The original cut for Phantasm was three hours, and Coscarelli had zero plans for a sequel, nor to make another horror film. Which makes me assume that there would perhaps be a better conclusion somewhere in that runtime, lost in the editing, than the more cryptic puzzles we got in the sequels. Who knows.

 

The budget and its very limited resources are sometimes clearly visible at some points, especially the scene with the fly, which gives a prime example that not everything looks better in 4K. The film’s strengths are the rock-solid cinematography (also done by Coscarelli) and has a unique dark melancholic atmosphere where you almost get the sense that The Tall Man has sucked all the light from the surroundings. Everything feels dead and quiet and just off, as if the few characters we see here is trapped in some obscure purgatory, frozen in time. What’s real, what’s not. Is it all just a dream, or is it just the wind? And what in hell is that unearthly humming sound? Could it actually be the sound of hell itself? The theme track by Fred Myrow really stands out, which could be described as a more somber remix of John Carpenter’s Halloween.

 

The child actor at the time, A. Michael Baldwin does a good job here, as he, more or less, carries the whole film on his shoulders. The brother-dynamic between Mike and Jody is wholesome enough as they eventually team up to blast The Tall Man where he came from, wherever that is. Reggie also chimes in, who we get to see a lot more of in the sequels.

 

And that’s Phantasm for you – cryptic slowburn with eerie dreamlike surrealism, sprinkled with eccentric sci-fi elements and a handful of WTFs. Good night and don’t let The Tall Man bite.

 

Phantasm Phantasm Phantasm

 

 

Writer and director: Don Coscarelli
Country & year: USA, 1979
Actors: A. Michael Baldwin, Bill Thornbury, Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm, Kathy Lester, Terrie Kalbus, Kenneth V. Jones, Susan Harper, Lynn Eastman-Rossi, David Arntzen
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079714/

 

Sequels:
– Phantasm II (1988)
– Phantasm III (1994)

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

The Conjuring: Last Rites (2025)

The Conjuring: Last RitesThe fourth and (for now) the farewell entry in the Conjuring franchise drifts far more from the actual case it is based on than ever before. The film starts back in 1964 where Ed and Lorraine have their first case together. They’re at a curio shop to investigate an antique haunted mirror. Lorraine is also fully pregnant, and the water goes as soon as she touches the mirror and sees a spooky vision of some demon. Ed rushes her to the hospital where Lorraine pushes out a stillborn. Oof. (My mind then played with the idea of Ed and Lorraine taking the fresh corpse of the baby home with them to perform a ritual to make a deal with the devil in order to bring the baby to life. Some decades later a pack of hellhounds would emerge to drag Ed and Lorraine to hell after the deal comes due, Supernatural-style. A predictable but fitting reason why the Smurl haunting became their last case, especially by looking at that sinister promo poster. Oh well.) After some hard prayers, the baby comes to life, and they name her Judy.

 

Then we jump to 1986 where She Sells Sanctuary are blasting from the speakers. Good times, for as long as it lasts. Jack and Janet Smurl with their four daughters and Jack’s parents are moving into a crammy duplex at a bleak and dreary suburb in West Pittson, Pennsylvania, where anyone would be bound to end up with chronic depression and alcohol problems before the first Christmas. The church-going family seems pretty happy, though, but they’ll soon learn that there isn’t much sanctuary to find here. It all starts when one of the oldest daughters gets an evil-looking gothic mirror as a confirmation present, something you’d see in Phantom Manor. And yep, it’s the same mirror we saw earlier. OoOoh…

 

The ceiling lights crash down on the kitchen table like a sledgehammer, Janet hears a cheesy whispering voice calling her name in the basement, Jack one night gets paralyzed and porked by a witchy Phoebe Waller-Bridge look-alike succubus. Fifty Shades of Ectoplasm. One of the youngest daughters gets spooked by a ghoulish grandma ghost with a demented Cheshire cat grin. A tall redneck farmer with an axe, also a smiley one, suddenly pops up around the house to terrorize the family. Their dog, Simon, is safe, for now.

 

Meanwhile, as hell is brewing in Pennsylvania, we spend some time with Ed and Lorraine’s daughter Judy, who’s now grown up and dating her future husband Tony. Judy looks collected on the outside but on the inside she’s broken, shaken and traumatized. Growing up with Ed and Lorraine as your parents does that to you. But the reasons are more generic than that: because Judy has the psychic powers of her mom and started seeing ghosts floating around her long before she realized that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Life’s not fair. Ed and Loraine are now more or less retired from ghost hunting, much due to Ed’s failing health after he suffered a heart attack, and spends most of the time lecturing for a shrinking audience and being home, probably playing Ghosts ‘n Goblins on Nintendo. Tony gets the blessing of Ed and Lorraine to marry Judy after dating her for only six months. Hooray. He also bought the proposal/wedding ring only one (yes 1) week after they met. Uhm… red flags anyone? The Warrens have a barbecue party and play pingpong where we see one of the many cameos from previous films. Cheers. How’s Smurl’s doing?

 

Not that great. Things have gotten so bad that they’ve reached out to all from talk shows on TV to Larry King in hopes of getting some help. Doesn’t go so well. And the Warrens have no desire to help them. That’s only until Judy somehow gets drawn to the Smurl house, all the way from Connecticut. Why? Because.

 

Director Michael Chaves said in an interview with Bloody Disgusting that the Last Rites would stay true to the real-life Smurl haunting. BOOlshit. The Smurls seems more like an afterthought here as the main focus lies more on Judy and Tony, who had zero involvement with the case. We spend a lot of time with Judy and Tony and that’s the main problem. They’re not an interesting couple and the whole romance aspect is pure dead meat and filler-time that could easily have been tossed into the deleted scenes section. And the chemistry between these two is non-existent. It just feels hollow. A stark contrast to Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga.

 

The last twenty minutes or so is messy, stupid, eye-rolling and all over the place. The spinning mirror is so cartoonishly retarded that I almost expected Russel Crowe’s character from The Pope’s Exorcist to randomly chime in and end the film with a big ko-ko.

 

Even though the Last Rites was overall a mild disappointment, it has its strong elements when it comes to the technical aspect. It’s far from the trainwreck that was The Nun II. Michael Chaves gives a steady direction with great enhancement from cinematographer Eli Born. The retro 1980s esthetics are on point and the thing with the videotape camera, without spoiling, was a new and fresh idea. The few scenes in the Smurls’ house during the first and second half are the most interesting, especially if you’ve seen the movie made for TV, The Haunted, and read the book, which works best at reading as just pure horror fiction. Having that in mind, there are certain scenes here to wait for, especially the classic Janet? sequence in the basement. And they completely botched it, just like I expected. Then we have the mommy-mommy doll scene which is in pure style of James Wan and worked much better in the context of the film than in the first teaser trailer, where we saw a more goofy CGI ghost. The new design of the granny ghost, played by Fabrielle Downey, was a big quality upgrade which looks like a mix of The Bride in Black from Insidous and Mary Shaw from Dead Silence. The other two ghosts, the farmer with the axe and his succubus wife, make some solid appearances during the short amount of screentime they were given. And like the first two films, the child actors also delivers. Some few other classic Conjuring highlights sprinkled here as well. Too bad that the Smurl case itself is so rushed and undercooked.

 

So there you have The Conjuring: Last Rites – a very mixed and bloated bag with potential that was primarily wasted on romance and Hallmark family drama bollocks. If the film just had focused more on the actual case, the three grinning ghosts and the demon, whatever that was, this could maybe reach the quality levels of the first two. And if you haven’t seen the aforementioned TV movie from 1991, since the film has to this day not gotten a physical, nor a streaming release, and probably never will, it’s available on YouTube.

 

And here we have a quick local news segment about a young couple who bought the real Smurl house a week after the first teaser for the Last Rites dropped. They had no idea about the house’s history, off course. So it just remains to see if they also get swarmed with trespassing horror fans and ending up suing Warner Bros, like what happened in the wake of the first film back in 2015. In this case they should rather sue the real estate agent. Peace out.

 

Slugs Slugs Slugs

 

Director: Michael Chaves
Writers: Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick, James Wan
Country & year: USA, 2025
Actors: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Mia Tomlinson, Ben Hardy, Steve Coulter, Rebecca Calder, Elliot Cowan, Beau Gadsdon, Kíla Lord Cassidy, Peter Wight, Kate Fahy, Tilly Walker, Molly Cartwright
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt22898462/

 

Prequels:

The Conjuring (2013)
The Conjuring 2 (2016)
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

Slugs (1988)

I Drink Your BloodThe summer ain’t over yet, cause here they come – the slugs! Thousands of slugs slime their way up from lakes, sewers, and toilets to eat people in a small American town, all from alcoholics, horny teenagers to rich soap opera snobs. And before you know it, the slugs are everywhere. They slime, they ooze, they kill. Slugs, slugs, slugs! My oh my… The local sheriff must come up with a smart plan to save the day. There you have this cheesy, silly, slimy low-brow Spanish/American-produced creature-feature in a nutshell. Nothing more, nothing less. But are slugs really harmful though? Let’s ask Mr. Google:

 

–  Considering that you are a rational human being who doesn’t put slimy, gross bugs into your mouth, this shouldn’t be a problem. It may, however, be an issue for your pets. Cats and dogs that consume slugs may suffer from excessive drooling and or vomiting. Beyond this, slugs are not harmful, Google says.

 

Allrighty then. So, what are we gonna do with those damn slugs? And speaking of animals, did you also know that hedgehogs eat slugs as if it was candy? This would be like a buffet heaven for the Sonics. Anyway…

 

What makes the movie worth a watch are the effects and just the overall silliness. And if you appreciate some funny-bad acting, there are some laughs to be had here. There isn’t much more to say really. It’s pretty straight-forward where NPC’s are getting eaten by slugs, one by one. Some slime their way into garden gloves to chew on someone’s hands, while others hide in the food to get swallowed so they can eat their victims from the inside out. Gnarly. Slugs is directed by the Spanish gore & schlock master Juan Piquer Simón, who’s most known for Pieces (and the bizarre clown show that is Extra Terrestrial Visitors), so that alone should say a few things. The film is also known as Slugs The Movie since it’s based on a book by the splatter-punk horror writer Shaun Hutson. And after he saw the film he had a clear verdict: – Do yourselves a favor a don’t bother watching it, it’s awful! – He has later viewed the film as a guilty pleasure.

 

Slugs is available on Blu-ray from Arrow Video, and as for now, it slimes around on Tubi.

 

Slugs Slugs Slugs

 

Director: Juan Piquer Simón
Writers: Ron Gantman, José Antonio Escrivá, Juan Piquer Simón
Also known as: Slugs The Movie
Country & year: USA/Spain, 1988
Actors: Michael Garfield Levine, Kim Terry, Philip MacHale, Alicia Moro, Santiago Álvarez, Concha Cuetos, John Battaglia, Emilio Linder, Kris Mann, Kari Rose, Manuel de Blas, thousands of slugs
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093995/

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

100 Feet (2008)

100 FeetMarnie Watson (played by Famke Janssen) is a woman who killed her abusive husband, Mike, in self-defense. Or that’s what she claims, because not everyone is eager to believe her version of the story, including police officer Lou Shanks who was a former partner of her husband. Yep, Marnie’s husband was a cop, and they can never be abusive, right? Hah. Marnie is placed under house arrest, and has an ankle bracelet fit on her which prevents her from moving more than 100 feet from the detector which is placed in the house’s hallway. If she does, the police will be notified, and that’s bad news for her, so better stay safe at home. Or at least she tries to. She has a delivery boy bringing her groceries, since she can’t go outside. Then, later at night, her husband’s face suddenly appears before her while she’s in bed. Terrified, she runs out from the bedroom, but her husband’s ghost pushes her down the stairs. She desperately tries to flee, and sets off the detector in the hallway, and Shanks arrives to find her unconscious at the front door. He notices that she looks beaten up, but she just tells him she fell down the stairs. They didn’t believe her when her husband was still alive, so there’s no chance in hell they’ll believe her now, so why even try. However, Marnie is now trapped with her abuser once again…

 

100 Feet is a horror film from 2008, written and directed by Eric Red (who also directed Bad Moon). It stars Famke Janssen in the leading role as Marnie Watson. While many ghost horror movies use its time to build up a mystery regarding the haunting and who the ghosts are, this movie goes straight to the point with showing the audience exactly what is happening here. It’s a haunted house/ghost story where you know very well who the ghost is. The suspense comes from how Marnie is totally trapped inside the house with her dead tormentor, which sets it all up for an interesting premise. In many ways, 100 Feet has some very close similarities to Leigh Whannell’s The Invisible Man from 2020, except here it really is a ghost and not some invisible mad scientist. I also found a little flair of Delirium from 2018, which was also about someone trapped inside their home in a house arrest situation.

 

Famke Janssen’s performance here is pretty good and carries a lot of the movie, where her actions and behavior comes off as convincing. While it may at first appear like she’s a cold-blooded murderer, which her husband’s former police partner obviously considers her to be, it also becomes clear that she tried multiple times to get help, including calls to the police which were quickly disregarded by his police buddies (of course). She was trapped before, but is even more trapped now. The only thing that hasn’t changed is that she knows no one will believe her, which means she must once again take matters into her own hands.

 

While 100 Feet never really becomes scary, there are some very effective scenes, where Marnie is both physically and mentally tormented by her dead husband. Some of the scenes where we can see glimpses of him are actually kinda creepy. There are some CGI scenes that get a little goofy, but there’s also a certain violent scene in the latter part of the movie which really catches you off guard with is severe brutality. Holy hell, did that just come out of nowhere!

 

Despite not exactly reinventing anything here, the movie delivers some creepy scenes, solid performances and a few twists and turns, making it a pretty solid supernatural horror movie.

 

100 Feet 100 Feet

 

Writer and director: Eric Red
Country & year: USA, 2008
Actors: Famke Janssen, Bobby Cannavale, Ed Westwick, Michael Paré, Patricia Charbonneau, John Fallon
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0899128/

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

Together (2025)

TogetherA search party is combing through the woods, calling out for a missing couple. Two of the search dogs end up in a cave, where they drink from a strange pool of water. Later that night, the dogs start behaving very strangely, and the owner is woken by their whining and commotion in the kennel. When he shines his flashlight on them, he’s met with a horrible sight: they’ve been fused together.

 

After this little horrific scene, we head over to our protagonists: Millie Wilson who is an elementary school teacher, and Tim Brassington who is an aspiring musician. They are going to move to the countryside where Millie has gotten a job, and they’re throwing a going-away party with their friends. Here, Millie has decided to make it extra romantic by proposing to Tim…which ends up totally embarrassing when he delays his answer and appears totally hesitant. Ouch. So, was this just Tim being taken aback and having an unfortunate moment? Well, not exactly. Despite having been together for some time, Tim and Millie are having more than a few issues, where their relationship has ended up in codependency due to Tim’s mental issues. Tim suffers from PTSD after his parent’s death, he is depressed, he doesn’t have a job, and keeps more than one foot in the past, not willing to fully commit to Millie…but at the same time, he’s not willing to let her go and clings to her as some kind of lifeline rather than a partner he wants to spend his life with. Millie, on the other hand, is getting tired of his lack of commitment, his lack of sexual interest in her, and his immaturity. On the night after the going-away party and botched proposal, Millie asks him straight out if he really wants this relationship, because if they don’t split up now before the move, it will just be harder later. Oh, that’s some real prophetic words right there! Tim desperately claims it is what he truly wants, and so they move to the countryside after all, with all their issues still in tow. They decide to go on a hike near their home, and fall down a cave. The same cave where the dogs were in at the beginning of the movie, of course. Tim decides to drink some water from the pool, and that’s the start of another chapter in their relationship issues. Now they find themselves getting closer and closer each day…but not in a good way.

 

Together is a supernatural body horror film written and directed by Michael Shanks in his directorial debut. It stars Dave Franco as Tim and Alison Brie as Millie, a real-life married actor couple who have been together for over 13 years and married since 2017.

 

This is obviously a film where the themes are deeply rooted in metaphors, specifically codependency but also several other layers. Tim’s problems with commitment while simultaneously being afraid of letting her go, while Millie starts wanting to pull away due to his lack of interest in both her and their relationship, reminds me a little about how some people’s biggest fear is ending up alone (and thus settling for a partner they don’t really want) while others are the opposite, and would rather be alone than living with a partner who just settled for them. And the latter is, at least to me, much more understandable. Who wants to be together with someone who looks at you as someone they’re stuck with because they can’t get what they really want? Someone who may find the comforts of the things you bring into the relationship to be enjoyable, but have trouble showing commitment, desire for you, or even an interest in your well-being…who the fuck wants that, right? Because these traits is what Millie also experienced once they fell down the cave: she’s quick to ask if he’s ok and check on him, and only minutes later she gives him the cold assertion I’m okay, by the way because he couldn’t be arsed to even ask her. Yay. But, here’s the twist: that’s not because he’s an uncaring asshole, he is genuinely flustered when being reminded. It simply wasn’t on his mind because he’s used to her caring for him, not the opposite, which is just another trait of the classic codependency relationship. None of these characters are good or bad which could’ve easily been the case in a setup like this. Tim isn’t lacking commitment because he doesn’t care about her, he just hasn’t learned how to properly do so due to his trauma, depression, and immature fantasizing about a rock-star life and something that’s unachievable anyway. When your mind live in a fantasy world, what you’ve got in real life will always seem meh no matter how good it actually is. Neither of them are flawless, both are struggling, something that comes off as believable due to some great performances by Franco and Brie. The chemistry between the characters always appear raw and heartfelt, which I guess is much thanks to the fact that the actors are a real-life couple that’s been together for many years.

 

The lovecraftian backstory regarding the cave is for the most part left ambiguous, but we do get a more detailed explanation of what the cave used to be and how it was used. The body horror elements, despite not being as crazy as what could be seen in last year’s Substance for example, are overall pretty solid as the movie uses some practical effects which look pretty nice. In a scene where the couple merged their arms together, they wore a prosthetic that effectively conjoined them together for hours on end, resulting in them having to use the restroom together. Must’ve been…not exactly fun. Aside from the body horror, there were also some surprisingly good scenes which were effectively creepy, especially the scene with Tim’s parents and the one with Millie behind the door. But for the most part, the movie is more of a fun popcorn entertainment movie with a nice slice of the bizarre.

 

Overall, Together is a weird and icky movie about codependency, and the fear of losing oneself in a relationship and the oftentimes messy complications of love.

 

Together Together

 

Writer and director: Michael Shanks
Country & year: Australia/USA, 2025
Actors: Dave Franco, Alison Brie, Damon Herriman
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt31184028/

 

Vanja Ghoul