And no, just to put the big fat joke aside: this is not a biopic of Amber Heard. Har-har.
But what’s this supposed to be then..? Well, it’s a movie that was made. And released. And it’s exactly what the title tells you: a big goofy-looking monster turd who goes on a shitting/murder spree until it steps on a bee. Pure quality cinema from start to finish where the poster and title should speak for itself. The only thing missing here is the Troma Entertainment logo proudly slammed on the poster, just to put the icing on the turd cake. And maybe that was the hopes and dreams of the amateur writers/directors duo Dan West and Rick Popko, who the hell knows. They teamed up again in 2008 with the zombie flick Retardead (yep, you read that right) that went nowhere, other than being flushed straight to the sewer section on Tubi years later, including Monsturd. A big two in the loo, as they say in Britain.
It’s bedtime for a little girl, simply called Munchkin. It’s a thunderstorm outside and she’s scared. She wants her dad to tell her a bedtime story. But he’s tired of telling bedtime stories, and now he wants her to tell a bedtime story, for a change. That should be interesting. Ok, but it’s really SCARY, she says. And she’s not kidding. OoOoOohh…
Once upon a time, in a place called Butte County in California, there was this serial killer, Jack Schmidt, who managed to escape from a maximum security prison. He hides in the sewers (filmed in some caves that look nothing like sewers) where some toxic waste has just been dumped. After getting chased by a local cop and a federal Marshall, he gets shot and falls into a tank with the freshly exposed toxic waste that transforms him into a decent skeleton Halloween decoration after his skin falls off. Jack Schmidt is dead, or so they thought. Because you won’t believe in your wildest imagination what happens next. Listen to this: The serial killer has been mutated into a monster of human feces! Say hello to Monsturd. The poop is loose and no one in Butte County is safe as he comes out of peoples’ toilets to make sure they have a shittier day than usual. And who are you gonna call to get this mess cleaned up? Turdbusters? Oh well… If this Turdman was smart enough, he’d just skidmark himself to San Fransisco where he’d blend perfectly in.
This stinky, little passion project of a motion picture took over two years to shoot (yes, really), the biggest number two you can squeeze out, with a whopping budget of 3000 dollars. And I bet that every cent was put on screen. Most of the actors were coworkers from Rick Popko and Dan West’s dayjob, and rumors on the trustworthy internet say that some of them were blackmailed to be in the film. You couldn’t blackmail me to be in this movie, because who in the right mind wouldn’t want to be a part of a film called Monsturd?? Sign me up! I don’t see much point in picking apart a film like this that was made of pure shits n’ giggles (no pun intended). I’d just get a splitting headache if I did. By just looking at the poster and the trailer you know what you’re gonna get, nothing more, nothing less. The humor is as juvenile as it can get, with cringe jokes that’ll give you more brainfart than diarrhea, whatever you may prefer, and maybe more suitable for kids around the age of eight to twelve.
That being said, Monsturd is the perfect film to kill some time with on the smartphone as you’re having a nice dump and just, oh shit, noticed that you have to wait for someone to hand you over a new pack of toilet paper!
Writer and directors: Rick Popko, Dan West
Country & year: USA, 2003
Actors: Paul Weiner, Beth West, Dan Burr, Dan West, Rick Popko, Dan Ellis, Timm Carney, Hannah Stangel
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364527/
