It’s the year of 1887 and some interesting things are happening in Transylvania. Dr. Victor Frankenstein has just given life to his monster under the assistance of Igor (Kevin J. O’Connor) and…Count Dracula himself (Richard Roxburgh). What could go wrong aside from Frankenstein’s castle getting invaded by a mob of angry peasant villagers? Well, now that Frank has done his work and can go further with his shady plans, Dracula doesn’t need him anymore and kills him. Igor, that weasel, has secretly been on Dracula’s side since “he pays well“. At least he’s being honest. Igor looks like the lost little twin brother of Radu, by the way. The monster gets angry, knocks down Dracula for a second before he carries his dead “father“ and runs to the windmill. The mob throws their torches until the windmill explodes. Rest in peace Frankenstein and his monster. Dracula’s plans have just been put on the back burner, pun intended.
This opening sequence was shot in black & white as a homage to James Whale’s Frankenstein (1931) and the golden era of Universal’s monster movies. It also sets the tone perfectly for the kind of movie this is that could share the same universe as The Mummy (1999) and The Mummy Returns (2001). You either vibe with it, or you don’t.
Then we jump one year later to Paris, where monster hunter Gabriel Van Helsing, a buff Anime-style thereof, played by Hugh Jackman, is chasing a CGI video game boss of Mr. Hyde to the top of the Notre-Dame. Fun fact: the face of Mr. Hyde was modeled after a French wrestler named André René Roussimoff, also known as André the Giant. Anyway, after the boss fight with Hyde, Gabriel flees back to the Vatican City in Rome, where we learn that he works for the secret organization Knights of the Holy Order as an assassin. They simply protect mankind from unholy creatures, way before the world got blessed with Father Amorth and the Winchester bros. Gabriel’s next big mission points to the Carpathian Mountains in Transylvania to team up with Princess Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) and kill this mysterious evil Count Dracula. Good luck. Carl (David Wenham), a Friar and a weapon/gadget inventor, joins the journey.
As they approach the obscure, snowy countryside of Transylvania, we see some of the remarkable set-pieces. The old village Gabriel and Carl enter is a village where they meet Anna, that was actually built for the film, much like the Bree village in The Fellowship of the Ring. Yes, there’s lots of greenscreen in pure Hollywood fashion that later went full overkill in the MCU/DC, and seeing Frankenmonster swinging on wires like Peter Parker, is just…well, something. What makes a great balance with the digital ocean of effects are the spectacular set-designs, and even matte-paintings, even to recreate some of the look and the gothic atmosphere from the Universal classics and some of the Hammer films. Miniatures were also used, if I’m not mistaken. The world of Van Helsing and Dracula feels lived-in where you also have steampunk elements sprinkled in. I could walk around on the set of Frankenstein’s laboratory all day long, just watching the details, the cobwebs, all the rusty old equipment while being mesmerized. Dracula also has an army of Dwergers, who looks like a cross between the dwarfs from Phantasm and the Shy Guys from the Mario games.
That being said, we’re not without the slop when it comes to CGI, especially the werewolves and their “transformation“. The final boss battle with Helsing and Drac is lame and lackluster where the video game cutscenes are getting tiresome. Here I prefer the simplicity of Peter Cushing tearing down the big curtains to expose Christoper Lee to the sunlight like he did in Dracula (1958). I like the look on Dracula’s brides in their monster form, though, and Frankenmonster looks cool. The effects are, after all, made by Wētā Workshop, so there’s some decent stuff here from that department. And I almost forgot the drinking game: take a shot of Stalinskaya for each time you see a lightning bolt/spark on screen. You may need 20/40 bottles for that and already secured a new liver.
Then there’s the masquerade ball scene, which I’d guess was some of the deleted chunks of Eyes Wide Shut. And if you see the Castlevania parallels, you’re not alone. The gadget that beams up the whole ballroom building could be a reference to the rosemarys from the games. But there’s more, cuz listen to this: Right before Dracula says, “Ladies and gentlemen… I give you VAN HELSING “, you can actually hear the trumpets from Castle Dracula from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Isn’t that freaking’ c o o l. Alan Silvestri cooks the type of catchy and pompous orchestral score before it became trendy to just throw in some classic A-side songs.
Stephen Sommers had some big plans to bring Van Helsing to a lucrative franchise. The bad reviews and box-office returns suggested otherwise. The director who was once on the top of the world with the first two Mummy films and the gory sea monster-flick Deep Rising (1998) on his resume, got his film career pretty much demolished by the critical failure of Van Helsing. Bummer. Sommers made only two movies after that, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) and the disastrous flop that was Odd Thomas (2013). However, Van Helsing became a big success on DVD, which sold copies for $65 million in the first week, more than half the revenue from theater runs, and has gained cult status over the eons. Van Helsing, despite its issues, is a pure roller coaster extravaganza with lots of energy, heart and camp, made at the last minute before Hollywood lost its funny bone and slipped into a chronic depression. They tried with the recent Masters of the Universe (thumbs up) to reignite the power of the old magic, but flopped hard at the box office. So, we can only hope for the best that the upcoming Mummy: Book of the Dead with the return of Brendan Fraser will make Epic Hollywood Adventure Horror flicks great again.
Writer and director: Stephen Sommers
Country & year: USA/Czech Republic, 2004
Actors: Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, Richard Roxburgh, David Wenham, Shuler Hensley, Elena Anaya, Will Kemp, Kevin J. O’Connor, Alun Armstrong, Silvia Colloca, Josie Maran
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338526/
On the first trip of the world’s most luxurious cruise ship, the Argonautica, the ship’s navigation and communication systems are sabotaged, causing the ship to stop in the middle of the ocean somewhere. Meanwhile, Captain John Finnegan and his crew have been hired by a group of mercenaries with intentions unknown (other than it obviously being something bad) but as Finnegan has promised “no questions asked”, the Captain and his crew don’t realize what is about to happen until they reach the cruise ship. As the mercenaries take over and reveal that they’re planning to rob the ship, they soon realize that something is not right inside the Argonautica. The place is a mess, and people appear to have gone missing. It soon becomes clear that a deadly enemy from the depths of the ocean has wrecked havoc on the ship, and it’s still hungry!
