It’s been a while since the last amateur show, but here we have the forgotten and buried gem that is The Mummy Theme Park from the year 2000. And no, this is actually not a mockbuster version from The Asylum of the highly successful film with Brendan Fraser that came the year before. This is…uhm, well, something else.
Picture a superhigh ambitious Hollywood studio-level concept with none to zero resources, budget or talent, cast a bunch of first (and last-time) amateur actors, and just make it anyway, in the most borderline stubborn and deluded fashion imaginable. There you basically have The Mummy Theme Park in a nutshell, and one of those fascinating cinematic trainwrecks you have to see with your own eyes to believe.
And speaking of being ambitious: We’re in modern-day Egypt where the goofy businessman Sheik El Sahid has some big plans to open, which the title says, a theme park, something in the style of Jurassic Park and Westworld. Because here’s the thing: A Cleopatra named Nekhebet, has managed to open an enormous, ancient necropolis tomb with the help of an earthquake caused by the Egyptian gods Osiris and Ra. Cool. And Sheik El Sahid smells big business for a tourist attraction. Who wouldn’t. But those with an actual sense of smell will only smell the strong reek of cheese, plain and simple. I mean, bruh, just look at it. It’s not as bad as the Willy Wonka Experience, but still. I think visiting Disneyland would be a better idea. If you happen to be around the Paris area and survived the catacombs, make sure to swing by Parc Astérix, where you can ride the god of Osiris’ roller coaster itself. Been there twice. Awesome stuff.
Where was I… oh yeah, The Mummy Theme Park. Daniel, a model photographer and his blonde bimbo assistant Julie, gets invited to an exclusive before-the-opening tour of the fresh park by Sheik El Sahid himself. A miniature train guides them through the underground caverns on a model railroad where every scene looks more fake than the other. Plastic human skeletons are placed around the tunnels while we see workers as the train passes them by from a green screen. Epic stuff. The only thing missing is some adventurous score by John Williams. And then we, of course, have the Egyptian mummies themselves, which are controlled by microchips. Of course. What can possibly go wrong. One of the mummies suddenly pops up from nowhere in Sheik El Sahid’s palace, kills several guards while Julia enjoys her bubble bath and the Sheik himself never seem to get some intimate privacy with his harem of four or five wives.
It’s easy to look at this and assume that the film was just made for the shits n’ giggles by a group of drunk film school students… but when you have a director who looks like an average university professor, the kind of individual who just wouldn’t even be dreaming of wasting his time on watching a minute of these kinds of retarded, juvenile trash cinema, you can’t be too sure. The mastermind behind The Mummy Theme Park is Alvaro Passeri, an Italian special effects artist who’s worked in the movie biz since 1979. There isn’t much info to dig up about this signore other than he has directed five obscure horror schlocks during the 1990s and early 2000s, and has a YouTube channel where he showcases his special effects work which is way more impressive than his filmmaking skills.
Trying to describe Mummy Park is like remembering an obscure fever dream you had after a long night of binge-drinking. There is the one absurd scene and moment after another with not much time to even process what you just saw on the screen. Yes, it’s one of those movies. The fugly visuals are the most striking here, where you have sets mixed with miniatures and small cute dollhouse furniture placed in the foreground and middle to make the exteriors of Sheik’s palace appear bigger than it is. It looks even more fake when the actors have to be close to the wall because of the limitations of movie magic. That being said, and despite all the cheap cardboard-looking props, I have to give Al Passeri some credit for at least trying rather than just take the quick Ed Wood solution by filling the backgrounds with big curtains and call it a day.
The retarded acting, the overly bright fake cheesy costumes, the overall bizarre fuzzy atmosphere, the look of it all is just the tip of the iceberg here, or the tip of the pyramid, if you will. I could sit here and pick apart the film down to five thousand pieces, but I won’t spoil the fun. Words wouldn’t make it justice anyway. The film was recently discovered in Germany after being a part of the SchleFaZ (shortened from “the worst movies of all time“) series and streamed on RTL+ in September 2025. Better late than never. It’s also on several streaming sites, none of which is, of course, available for us in Norway, but you can find it in 4K on YouTube.
Director: Alvaro Passeri
Writers: Alvaro Passeri, Antony Pedicini
Country & year: Italy, 2000
Actors: Adam O’Neil, Holly Laningham, Cyrus Elias, Helen Preest, Peter Boom, Paola Real, John Gayford, Clive Riche, Mark Anazald
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0391355/
