The Bride of Frank (1996)

The Bride of Frank (1996)

Frank (Frank Meyer) is an old, toothless, depleted scarecrow of a human being, working in a warehouse close to the New Jersey harbor. The movie starts with our friend Frank telling us that this is a story of love and evil, before we witness him luring a girl into his trailer to knock her skull with a club. He puts her on the ground to taste her blood, before he drives over her head and eats a chunk of her scattered brain. This was only a dream sequence, by the way. Frank wakes up in his bed in an office in the warehouse, where he lives with his cat, and washes his skid-marked underwear with his toothbrush. Eww..

 

His coworkers, who mainly treats him like a dog, decides to be a little nice to old Frankie for a change by arranging his upcoming birthday party. A very bizarre event, to say the least, where a random guy comes in, dressed like a nerd with rabbit teeth and big glasses trying to ruin the party by throwing insulting comments at Frank. The coworkers wraps the guy into plastic, and gives Frank the great honor of cutting his head off with a knife. Afterwards, Frank takes a shit on the remains. Happy Birthday. He didn’t get what he wished for, though, which was tits. They make up for this the next day by taking him to a cheap strip club that makes him more obsessed with tits than ever, and he starts talking about nothing but tits. “Tits! I really want tits! Tits! Big tits!” He wants big tits as much as a junkie craves for heroine. Frank’s boss puts an ad in the newspaper, and Frank makes himself ready to date some…big tits.

 

There isn’t much progress to talk about in this rather shoddy underground film, and you get the impression that the movie was shot with complete improvisation by the actors, probably with a script that was scribbled on a toilet paper as they went along. We’re 47 minutes in before the funniest scenes starts, where we finally see Frank’s first date. Which of course goes from bad to worse, where Frank discards the ladies by killing them if they don’t meet his standards, while the poor cat is being a witness to it all. Frank Meyer is the high light here. He is an absurd nutcase of a character to look at, falling in and out of consciousness as he mutters his dialogues, assumingly with a whole cocktail of chemicals running through his fragile body. Or maybe just drunk as a sailor, who knows. Nevertheless, he’s pure comedy gold and the only reason to give The Bride of Frank a watch. Frank Meyer obviously didn’t win an Oscar for his performance, and this is the only film he’s appeared in. You can hear him sharing a commentary on the DVD with the director and some other dude, where he is, I suspect, the one who inhales from the bubbling crack pipe.

 

The Bride of Frank

 

Director: Steve Ballot
Country & year: USA, 1996
Actors: Morgan Tara, Frank Meyer, John Kolendriski, Victor Delvalle, Bruce Frankel, Jim Moresca, Rena Ballot, Arnell Dowret, Steve Ballot, Eric Kaplan, Eddie Regan, Sal Mogavero, Bernard Briley, Sergio Lopez, Charles Gambino
IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt0261587/

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KOOKIE – Horror Short Film

Bree, a dishonest 9-year-old receives a terrifying visitor after a parenting lesson goes horribly wrong.

 

Kookie is a fun little horror short about a bratty and dishonest little girl. She keeps taking more cookies from the jar than she’s allowed to, until her mother puts the cookies in a terrifying clown jar in hopes of scaring her greedy hands away from it. Of course, the girl can’t resist the temptation, no matter how creepy she thinks the clown jar looks…

 

KOOKIE - Horror Short Film

 

Director: Justin Harding
Country & year: Canada, 2016
Actors: Ava Jamieson, Alana Elmer, Jarrett Siddall, Jessie Garon
IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt5594566/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bread and Circus (2003)

Bread and CircusHere we have the film that was heavily promoted as “Norway’s first splatter film ever”, which is not really true. But I can at least agree that this is the first Norwegian splatter film that got a wide DVD distribution, which was quite a unique thing in a small, tiny country like Norway. This is almost twenty years ago. Time flies.

 

The film starts with Mother Earth having sex, and a young man in his twenties (Martin Loke) then pops out from a vagina located at the earth’s grassy surface, while the sun shines on a hot, ordinary summer day. A monk-like creature comes along and cuts the umbilical cord as the new-born screams like a schizophrenic mental patient. He then suddenly wears a suit, and has a suitcase handcuffed to his arm as he gets thrown into the society. He follows a pathway and meets a random guy. While they have a beer, he tells our new-born a life lesson-story about how evil society is if you don’t kneel to the authority, and conform to the social norm in a perfect sheep mentality. All forms of outcasts and those who dear to think freely are seen as serious threat to the society, and they get hunted down and killed by the military under orders of The King himself. As the story goes on with a tirade of amateurish, messy, incoherent scenes, including a scene with a guy getting a bottle stuffed in his butthole, you start to wonder what the hell you’re really watching.

 

The acting is unbelievably, ridiculously, bafflingly bad, and is the funniest thing about the movie. And the dialogue was sloppily dubbed in post-production, which doesn’t synchronize at all. It’s reeks of amateur-hour all the way, and the “humour” is on the cringiest middle school level. Director and screenwriter Martin Loke is a huge fan of Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste which reflects in the effects and some of the camera work. But when Bad Taste had  its own style and energy to it, this comes across as the drunken poor man’s version. With a budget of 600,000 Norwegian kroner (approx. $ 68,3348), the film should at least look better. I suspect that most of the budget went to  municipal goods like military stuff and access to certain restricted locations. And almost like there wasn’t any budget for a half-decent soundtrack, the score is primarily filled with classical music from Beethoven, which just feels completely out of place and makes the movie even weirder. The “Actors” are mainly friends and family of Martin Loke, who mostly give the impression of standing in front of the camera as a big favor they would never do again. The political and social statements Martin Loke is trying to make us reflect on is for sure more relevant today than it was twenty years ago. But aside from that, this is nothing but a demented, bizarre and messy oddball of a movie which will guarantee some great laughs for sure. Some of them unintentionally, of course.

 

The most impressive thing about Bread and Circus is that Martin Loke showed it at the Cannes Film Festival of all places, and sold it to seven countries. How he actually managed to do that with a film like this, God knows. But, okay, I give him my respect for that.  The film was later given a 10-year anniversary edition from the Nordic Another World Entertainment with some extras. A U.S. release is also available at Amazon.com.

 

Bread and Circus

 

Director: Martin Loke
Original title: Brød & Sirkus
Country & year: Norway, 2003
Actors: Oliver Boullet, Miriam Johansson, Martin Loke, Magne Jahrestein, Silje Andresen, Benjamin Rørstad, Lars Torp, Lars Erik Ringstad Nordrum, Lise Løke, Hilde Løke, Fredrik Løke, Frank Løke, Eivind Pedersen, Andre Iversen, Vegar Bakke
IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt0377543/

 

Tom Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE MONSTER – Short Horror Film

A father helps a young boy get over his fear of Monsters, at a terrible price.

 

The Monster is a nice little horror short about a classic theme: a kid that’s afraid of monsters, and his father trying to help him get over his fear. This boy’s father is not like most fathers, though…

 

THE MONSTER - Short Horror Film

 

Director: Neil Stevens
Country & year: USA, 2019
Actors: Aaron Bradshaw, Brian Ramian, Erika Stasiuleviciute
IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt8510332/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A CHRISTMAS WISH – Horror Short

A little girl thinks Christmas in New Zealand sucks. It’s too hot, there are mosquitoes everywhere, and not a snowflake in sight. But when Lisa wishes for a White Christmas one year, she gets a lot more than she bargained for…

 

A somewhat cute horror short about a girl who wants to experience a White Christmas, but gets it in a way she’ll soon regret…

 

A CHRISTMAS WISH - Horror Short

 

Director: Peter Haynes, Nick Burridge
Country & year: Australia, 2016
Actors: Keira Christina, Hweiling Ow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Russian Bride (2019)

The Russian Bride (2019)Nina is a Russian woman, who lives together with her young daughter Sasha. She has left her abusive and alcoholic husband, but he still causes trouble for her by coming to her home drunk and demanding to come inside and see his daughter. All Nina wants is a new and better life for herself and Sasha, and after joining a typical “Russian brides” website (dating website for people looking for a Russian woman) she gets in contact with a reclusive billionaire from USA. After traveling abroad to meet her new man, she marries him very soon thereafter. However, she soon finds out that the seemingly nice man has other motives…and Nina eventually realizes that she’s put both herself and her daughter in a dangerous position.

 

Those typical “Russian Brides” dating websites is nothing new, and have existed for quite a while. No matter how you may want to label the women using such websites – “gold diggers” or simply someone wanting a better life for themselves – this movie portrays a woman belonging to the latter category. We understand Nina’s desperate need to move away from her stalking and abusive ex, and a rich and gentle elderly man from another country seems like her perfect escape. What could possibly go wrong, right? Well…

 

The story builds up rather nicely, and you see early on that Nina’s new husband has ulterior motives. Since his spacious mansion is also located in a very isolated area, you can feel the overwhelming amount of helplessness that she’s going through, in an other country and no means of escape. Nina and her daughter Sasha are surrounded by snow and nothingness, and solely dependent on her new husband that shows more and more signs of not necessarily having their well-being in his best interest.

 

The suspense in The Russian Bride builds towards what we surely expect to be a great reveal and a bloody climax (at least, based on the DVD cover which isn’t exactly toning down on its promise of a certain amount of blood ‘n gore). And we get both, although I would have to admit I think they could’ve stretched it even a bit further as blood ‘n gore goes. There’s room for a lot more than what was given us, but still makes it earn its “Gore” badge.

 

The Russian Bride is an okay horror thriller, although it may be worth noting that despite the bloody cover, this kind of stuff is held back for the climax and is not meant to be part of the main focus of the film (so gorehounds may want to sniff around elsewhere). Now, the film does come off as a bit predictable (we know the guy is up to something, we just don’t know what), and it also feels a bit inconsistent with a few things, like a certain paranormal entity that doesn’t really provide much to the film except sugarcoating the end a bit and functioning as a deus ex machina. However, it’s entertaining enough and well worth a watch, despite some flaws.

 

Director: Michael S. Ojeda
Country & year: USA, 2019
Actors: Corbin Bernsen, Oksana Orlan, Oksana Orlan, Lisa Goodman, Michael Robert Brandon, Alison Korman, Yefim Somin, Gregory O’Gallagher, Keenan Johnston, John Paul Brandt, Clement Valentine, Kenneth G. Beaudin, Maryanne Nagel, Blake Brown, Guido Den Broeder
IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt6214468/

 

 

Vanja Ghoul

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHRISTMAS PRESENCE – Horror Short

Mary takes over her friends babysitting job on Christmas Eve, but something more than yuletide spirit is loose in the house.

 

Here’s another Christmas horror short for you to enjoy! A cheesy yet fun short about a babysitter who will stay at a home where the owners are really into the holidays and have put up decorations all over the place. There’s one of the “decorations” that seems out of place, though…

 

CHRISTMAS PRESENCE - Horror Short

 

Director: Henrique Couto
Country & year: USA, 2015
Actors: Julia Gomez, Alia Gabrielle Eckhardt, Erin R. Ryan, Adam Clevenger, Bradley Diehl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HUMBUG – A Christmas Horror Short

When her neighbor refuses to get into the Christmas spirit, a jolly citizen takes matters into her own hands.

 

We all know at least one “Grinch”, or a person filled with “humbug” when the holidays are kicking in. This weird and cheesy horror short takes the “humbug” to a different level, though, turning it into something that can be “exorcised” from your body in order to make you fully enjoy the Christmas holidays!

 

LA NORIA - Animated Horror Short

 

Director: Justin Lee, Matt Thiesen
Country & year: USA, 2016
Actors: Jessee Foudray, Milly Sanders
IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt6391866/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LA NORIA – Animated Horror Short

A grieving young boy who loves to draw and build ferris wheels encounters strange creatures that turn his life upside down.

 

La Noria is a CG animated horror short by seasoned animator Carlos Baena (Pixar). This horror/fantasy short is in many ways more sad and emotional than scary, but does manage to build a certain creepy atmosphere with the monsters chasing the boy and the gloomy house he’s living in.

 

LA NORIA - Animated Horror Short

 

Director: Carlos Baena
Country & year: Spain, 2018
Voice Actors: Blanca Casellas, Jaume Ibars, Daniela Lucas
IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt8804104/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THERE COMES A KNOCKING – Horror Short

Life is hard for Emma without the love of her life John. But after installing a new antique door and not being able to open it she starts hearing knocks coming from the other side of the door. Can this be the spirits of Emma’s love.

 

There Comes a Knocking is described as a proof of concept for a feature film by the same name. The short has good atmosphere and cinematography (and the Horror Ghouls love big, old creaky houses!). It is thus unfortunate that the ending is a bit lackluster, but since the creators are aiming for a full feature film and this is described as a “proof of concept”, it will be interesting to see how the full movie will eventually turn out! The creator’s YouTube channel also has a “Making of” video, in addition to lots of other videos regarding their filmmaking.

 

THERE COMES A KNOCKING - Horror Short

 

Director: Ryan Connolly
Country & year: USA, 2019
Actors: Stefanie Butler, Brett Davidson, Justin Robinson
IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt10922922/