Jesús Casas and Maria are a couple with a newborn son, Cayetano. They’re visiting a furniture store in order to buy a coffee table, where the salesman is offering them an expensive but high quality table which Jesús falls for immediately. Maria hates it on sight, though…and despite the salesman claiming that the glass is unbreakable and really tries his best to sell them the table, Maria still isn’t convinced. Jesús, however, really, really wants this table. He complains to Maria that she has not allowed him to choose anything for their home, so why not let him at least choose this coffee table? Well, he ends up purchasing it. In their apartment, which he inherited from his grandmother, he starts putting the table together. Upon doing so, he notices that a screw is missing, and he asks the salesman for another one. In the meantime, Maria leaves to buy some groceries in preparation for the visit of Jesús’s brother Carlos and his new, very young partner Cristina. And from then on…all hell breaks lose.
The Coffee Table (La mesita del comedor) is a Spanish black comedy horror movie from 2022, directed by Caye Casas and written by Casas and Cristina Borobia.
This movie is a perfect example of getting the best experience if going in totally blind, which was what we did. And oh boy, was it an intense ride! From the very get-go of the movie, you notice how the couple are having so many unresolved issues which cannot be fixed by simply buying a table. Maria is super-annoying and bitchy most of the time, while Jesús seems to have lost his spine a long time ago (and I would’ve said balls as well, but they just got a kid). You know it’s going to build up to something just based on the tension between the characters alone, but if you haven’t read any descriptions or a synopsis of the movie the experience will definitely be slapping you a lot more.
So…yeah. That’s pretty much how far I’m willing to go because I really don’t want to spoil anything. The Coffee Table is a pitch-black dark comedy horror movie which is best viewed when going in blind. If you want something dark and bleak which manages to be uncomfortably funny at times, go watch it and have a fun (or not so fun) time!
Directors: Caye Casas Writers: Cristina Borobia, Caye Casas Country & year: Spain, 2022 Original title: La mesita del comedor Actors: David Pareja, Estefanía de los Santos, Josep Maria Riera, Claudia Riera, Eduardo Antuña, Gala Flores, Cristina Dilla, Itziar Castro, Damià Fustagueras Petit IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt21874760/
In a remote little French town located somewhere in the mountains, there have been a series of children’s disappearance cases. An old legend from the area, about a malevolent creature referred to as the “Soul Eater“, is resurfacing when the town also gets plagued by several violent and gruesome deaths which apparently defy explanation. Franck de Roland, captain in the national gendarmerie, comes to investigate the missing children’s cases, and ends up together with police superior Elizabeth Guardiano who is investigation some of the recent murders. They do not get together all that well at first, but once it becomes obvious that both the murders and the missing children cases are in some way linked together, they need to cooperate.
The Soul Eater (Le Mangeur d’Âmes) is a French horror thriller from 2024, directed by Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury, known for their impressive debut Inside (2007) and other movies like Livide (2011) and The Deep House (2021). The movie is based on a novel from 2021, called “Le Mangeur d’âmes“ by Alexis Laipsker. The French duo have undoubtedly made a mixed bag of entries in the horror genre, where they started off with a solid debut but have also had some releases which didn’t hold up as strongly (like the Leatherface movie from 2017). This movie is a bit different from any of their previous entries as it’s more a standard thriller than a horror movie, despite the trailer more or less leading you on to suspect some kind of supernatural flick.
On surface level The Soul Eater doesn’t offer something especially unique or truly unsettling, but the setup is quite good and the sleepy little mountain town works well for establishing the right tone. It’s a place where you can easily imagine the people creating their own folklore and myths, surrounded by mountains and endless forests. The isolated location makes for some decent scenery as well, and you get a believable feeling of how this town has kept to themselves without much intervention from outsiders. And it’s in places like those that all kinds of bad shit can start to happen, of course. Like any decent mystery thriller, the secrets are unfolding gradually, and while it did have a few pacing issues towards the latter part, I never found myself bored.
Some may have hoped that Bustillo and Maury would get back into their old tracks with this new release, and thus it may come as a bit of a letdown that this is more a crime thriller than outright horror. It’s pretty fine for what it is, though, and it does have a creepy build-up regarding the mystery and a nice setting. Overall TheSoul Eater is a pretty good murder mystery thriller, and while it’s not having very strong horror elements it stands as a decent release from the French duo. It still seems like we’re a long way from expecting another move in the same vein as Inside from them, though…
Directors: Alexandre Bustillo, Julien Maury Writers: Annelyse Batrel, Ludovic Lefebvre Country & year: France/Belgium, 2024 Original title: Le mangeur d’âmes Actors: Virginie Ledoyen, Paul Hamy, Sandrine Bonnaire, Francis Renaud, Malik Zidi, Cameron Bain, Lya Oussadit-Lessert, Chloé Coulloud IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt28821588/
When an amphibian-obsessed boy comes into possession of a book with ancient occult secrets, his concerned principal intervenes.
Another Horror Short Sunday, and this time we take a look at Toad Boy, a gory and a little bizarre horror short with some awesome body horror effects!
Director: Phillip J. McLaughlin Writer: Phillip J. McLaughlin, Hillary Rust Country & year: USA, 2023 Actors: Cliff Chamberlain, James Hoelzel, Tamir Tucker, Soren Williams IMDb:www.imdb.com/title/tt27214410/
Vidar the Vampire is the first, and for the time being, the last vampire flick from Norway. A low-budget independent production that came and went in 2017. Yes, we cavemen gnomes have come a long way, haven’t we. And later this year, we’ll have our first sea monster flick with Kraken. Skål!
The film starts with a local news report by the broadcast company NDK (Norsk DrittKringkasting) that tells us that a Satanic ritual has occurred in the middle of the God sacred bible belt in Norway, at a place called Jæren, a middle-of-nowhere land not so far from Stavanger (which also happens to be the hometown of Horror Ghouls) . Then we cut to our man, Vidar (Thomas Aske Berg), a skinny guy in his early 30s with a thick Burt Reynolds mustache and dressed in a silver protective suit as he starts a session with his psychiatrist. And he also wears sunglasses. Not because he’s got a severe hangover, but because he’s Vidar the Vampire. He’s frustrated and ready to tell his life’s story, a deep glory rabbit hole that will even get the shrink raising his eyebrows.
Like any therapy session, we start from the beginning where we see Vidar as a young boy as he lives with his strict religious mom at the farm we saw earlier in the news report. He does most of the work at the farm while he gets bullied by some classmates because he’s a loner and not able to get a girlfriend. We jump twenty years forward where Vidar is still stuck on the farm with no girlfriend, friends or future aspirations where the days consist of cleaning pigsties while his mom lies in bed and chewing pills. The only form of dopamine is hidden in Playboy magazines in his small, cramped bedroom. Vidar prays every night to get away from here, and one holy night, he gets heard. Hallelujah! And now it’s where it starts to get a little weird. We have a weird moment with a succubus before, one night, he finally meets the Savior himself in the barn. And here comes the big shocker: it appears that God is actually Satan. That’s how blasphemous we can get in modern times, I guess. After Vidar gives him a blowjob and swallows the unholy juice, he becomes a vampire, of some sort.
And there’s no surprise that things doesn’t get better for Vidar from here on. His God-fearing mom makes Vidar meet an evangelist in the local church in hope to exorcise him. Doesn’t go that well either. Even more crazy shit happens, and nothing can prepare Vidar for when he finally gets to break free from the isolated farm life to dive into the nightlife of urban Stavanger.
So, yeah, It’s crystal clear what the film is really about: a satirical middle-finger to Christianity, a statement that feels more fifty years-or so too late, and was already ridiculously outdated in 2017. If Vidar the Vampire was made in the 1970s, or even in the 1980s, the film would surely stir some controversy before it would be banned completely, and be regarded as an exploitation cult-classic years later. The filmmakers would also probably be put in jail for violation of the blasphemy law. I’m not kidding. A harmless, silly comedy such as Monty Python’s Life of Brian (1979) was banned in Norway for over a decade, and that should speak for itself. Things have changed radically since then with the rise of black metal bands in the early 90s, church burnings and Playboy, which was upgraded with porn on VHS, first imported from Sweden, of course. Good times. Hail Satan.
But the film is more than just poking fun of religion and clowns like Bob Larson. Chronic loneliness is the red thread here as we follow Vidar from one dire scenario to the next where things go from bad to worse, and he loses himself into an empty and hopeless existence of pure black-pilled nihilism. He walks around the streets of Stavanger at night in a farm suit while he tries to score, where he’s already completely damaged and a lost case. He becomes more desperate as his bloodlust also rises and he needs as much pussy as he needs the red human syrup. How about both? He stalks a young woman after closing time to her apartment where he chews her pussy and slurps her dry of period blood after she’s blacked-out. He almost swallows a tampon. Yum. This woman’s name is listed as “Drunk Cunt“ in the end credits (yes, in English for whatever reason). He then gets chased by her pimp as Vidar runs through the back alleys buck naked. We shouldn’t sympathize with a rapist, but still. It’s tragic, cringe, absurd, artsy at some times, and morbidly amusing to say the least, also much thanks to some solid acting and likewise dialogue. To lighten the mood, the film is filled with the most depressive and monotone folk songs that just make you want to kill yourself. Rest in peace in advance.
Vidar the Vampire is overall a weird and unique film, plain and simple, that will appeal to smaller audience as the vampire elements is used more as metaphors where the big question lies: is he really a vampire or just a raving mad incel who’s met the breaking point? And then of course we have the Norwegian language with some inside-jokes. If you can handle subtitles, the film is released on Blu-ray in America by Dread Central/DiabolikDVD. So have yourself a Drunk Cunt and enjoy the misery.
Writers and directors: Thomas Aske Berg, Fredrik Waldeland Country & year: Norway, 2017 Original title: VampyrVidar Actors: Kathrine Jünger Ims, Thomas Aske Berg, Marit Sanden, Sigve Aasland, Ingvar Skretting, Kim Sønderholm, Ruben Jonassen, Martha Kristine Kåstad, Astrid Braut Øksnevad, Balder Scheen Jacobsen IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6147514/
The Kyiv Seminary (a college that trains students to be priests, rabbis, or ministers) are sending their students home for vacation. Three of them decide to get piss drunk and ends up lost in the countryside in the middle of the night. When they see an old farmhouse, they ask the old woman who lives there if they can spend the night. She agrees, but her condition is that they sleep in separate areas of the farm. One of the students, Khoma Brutus, is placed in the barn. Later, the old hag tries to seduce him, which ends up with him getting hypnotized and the hag rides on his back like he was a horse. Weirdly enough, it isn’t until she also makes them both levitate that he realizes that she must be a witch. Huh! Who would’ve guessed! He ends up attacking her by violently hitting her with a stick, and then she suddenly turns into a beautiful young woman. Terrified, he runs away and back to the seminary, where he later gets the news that a wealthy man’s dying daughter has requested for Khoma himself to come and say prayers for her soul. I guess there’s no big surprise who this girl turns out to be. Anyway, she ends up dying before he arrives, but he will stand vigil and pray for her soul for the next three nights. In the chapel where the dead girl’s corpse lies, he starts praying and every night the girl wakes up, trying to get him while he’s protecting himself by standing inside a sacred circle he draws by using chalk. Can Khoma get through all three nights without the witch getting him in the end? Well, if she doesn’t, maybe all the vodka will…
Viy (Spirit of Evil) is a Soviet Gothic horror fantasy film from 1967, directed by Konstantin Yershow and Georgi Kropachyov, and it was the first Soviet-era horror film to be officially released in the USSR. It is based on a story by the same name, written by Nikolai Gogol, which also inspired Mario Bava’s Black Sunday.
The synopsis for this movie may sound rather straight-forward, but damn…it really is so weird at times, and starts off rather slow and fails a bit with keeping you fully engaged. In between the strange supernatural elements, the protagonist and the other people around him are mostly walking around getting totally sozzled on vodka or whatever the hell they’re drinking, while singing songs and goofing around. Khoma is pretty much constantly hammered during the day, and then fighting off the undead witch and whatever she summons at night, that’s pretty much the flow of what is happening here.
The movie saves up the best for last, where Khoma’s final night is where all the good stuff starts happening. This is where the witch finally summons the film’s namesake, the Viy, which is a large humanoid creature. This was actually played by a guy who was a circus artist, because the costume was so heavy they cast him for his strength. In addition, all kinds of other hell-spawn is summoned and we get some really surreal, fun and inventive scenes here.
Overall, Viy is a fantasy horror movie that feels more like a folklore-fairytale than outright horror, but amusing enough in its own way and with a pretty bonkers finale.
Viy was released on DVD in 2001 by Image Entertainment, and then re-released in 2005 by Hanzibar Films. Severin Films released it on Blu-ray in 2019, and it’s also available on several streaming sites, including Tubi.
Directors: Konstantin Ershov, Georgiy Kropachyov Writers: Konstantin Ershov, Nikolay Gogol, Georgiy Kropachyov, Aleksandr Ptushko Country & year: Russia, 1967 Actors: Leonid Kuravlyov, Natalya Varley, Aleksey Glazyrin, Nikolay Kutuzov, Vadim Zakharchenko IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062453/
On a distressed trip to the ocean, eight-year-old misfit Miranda finds a shipwrecked man on an otherwise deserted beach. Inspired by the short story by Septimus Dale.
Horror Short Sunday again, and this time we take a look at The Little Girl Eater, a creepy horror short with a nice dark twist.
Director: Tizian Herzberger Writer: Tizian Herzberger, Septimus Dale Country & year: Germany, 2023 Actors: Siegbert Pacher, Jacob King, Maja Bloom, Penelope Kettle IMDb:www.imdb.com/title/tt28694733/
Who’d think that Dracula was actually a full-blown narcissist? Wuut? Mr. Renfield, Dracula’s primary source of supply, which also includes being a scapegoat, slave, bitch, punching bag etc., can tell some stories. We’re in present day where Dracula (Nicolas Cage) has moved to a condemned hospital in New Orleans where he plans to turn the whole humanity into his slaves. USA is the big, great land of opportunity where dreams come true, after all (s a r c a s m).
Renfield (Nicolas Hoult, who also plays the Jonathan Harker version in the recent Nosferatu) is still his servant who’s been cursed with immortality, so Dracula can use him as long as needed. His self-esteem is down the toilet and his guilt for bringing his boss victims to satisfy his constant need for human blood, is eating him alive. So what he does next is to attend a therapy group for Co-Dependency / toxic relationships to hunt down the victims’ abusers to then hand them over to Dracula. What a wholesome idea. I guess he just watched Dexter.
The more he attends the group session, the more he realizes that something has to change, and Dracula (or just let’s call him Narcula) is not good for his mental health. No, you don’t fucking say. He starts reading self-help books like “How to Defend Yourself Against a Narcissist“, while I bet he’s already deep in the YouTube-rabbit hole of the subject. Narcula won’t have any of this, of course, and does all the familiar mindfuck games to distract him, such as the classic phrases like: I am the REAL victim here, YOU are the monster, and my dog stepped on a BEE..! Anyway … Plot thickens when Narcula joins forces with mafia queen Bellafrancesca Lobo (Shohreh Aghdashloo) while Renfield only has the frustrated police officer Rebecca (Awkwafina) by his side and gets the ability of super powers when chewing on bugs.
It’s a big understatement to say that Nic Cage has a fun time here, as he’d dreamed about playing Dracula on the silver screen since he was a kid. Rumors also say that he at some point visited Dracula’s ruins in Romania and spent a night there to get a sense of the atmosphere and its surroundings. All that being said, I must admit that I didn’t see much of The Prince of Darkness here, but rather the opposite of Dracula playing Nic Cage, something that only Cageula could get away with. A lot of fun regardless, as Cage is a top-shelf showman who’s always putting out a unique performance with high, manic energy. And with the make-up and the sharp razor teeth, I also kept wondering when he’s finally going to play Marilyn Manson in an X-rated biopic.
Renfield is co-written by The Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkman, which also explains the gore, which goes from solid old school to pure, mushy CGI slop. Most of the latter, unfortunately. I’ve seen way worse, as said in the trailer. A subtle hint that the film is fully aware of what it is and goes full in on the silliness and wild over-the-top action scenes that made me think of some of the manga-splatter films from Japan.
Renfield is far more a parody of the Universal Dracula films than a respectful sequel. And parodies are very hit’n miss, comedies in general for that matter, especially in these days when modern, mainstream humor is nothing but a cringe and painful endurance test to sit through, even in a small trailer. Yes, I’m pointing at you, Marvel. Renfield has the right balance, which the amputated runtime of 90 minutes is maybe to thank for, as there’s more action and pacing than pause segments with insufferable jokes. More of this, please!
But what makes the film stand out and not just being a silly, lowbrow splatter cartoon show, is the metaphors of the non-stop widespread epidemic that is pathological narcissism. We’ve seen a more grounded take on the subject in films like Sleep Tight (2011), Gone Girl (2014) and The Invisible Man (2020), although I think it overall nailed it in a fun and morbid, colorful fashion between the Dark Overlord Narcula and the super empath Renfield. I have myself been there, and as painful as it is, the time will eventually come when you can lean back, enjoy a megapint and just laugh at these miserable clowns as a reminder that you’re not doing so badly in life.
Director: Chris McKay Writers: Ryan Ridley, Robert Kirkman, Ava Tramer Country & year: USA/UK/Canada, 2023 Actors: Nicholas Hoult, Nicolas Cage, Awkwafina, Ben Schwartz, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Brandon Scott Jones, Adrian Martinez, Camille Chen, Bess Rous, Jenna Kanell, Danya LaBelle, Rhonda Johnson Dents IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11358390/
A young girl named Ellen is filled with a soul-crushing loneliness, causing her to pray in despair and desperately seeking comfort from anyone…or anything. Unfortunately for her, her prayers are answered. Then, some years later in 1838, she’s happily married to a man named Thomas Hutter, and they live in the town of Wisborg, Germany. Her husband works as a solicitor and estate agent, but he’s struggling a bit financially and hopes to achieve some financial security for them both. His employer, Herr Knock, tells Hutter that there is a reclusive and eccentric count in Transylvania, Count Orlok, who wants to buy Schloss Grünewald, and asks Hutter to travel to the count’s place and seal the deal. Upon hearing this, Ellen is terrified and begs him to stay, but he dismisses her and heads off to the Carpathian Mountains while his wife stays with his wealthy friend, Friedrich Harding and his wife Anna. When he arrives in Transylvania, the locals try to warn him off, but of course he doesn’t pay heed to their superstitions. The evening he arrives at the castle, he meets the intimidating Orlok, dines with him and pretty much wants to finalize the purchase of Schloss Grünewald as soon as possible and get out of there. Instead, Hutter finds himself a victim to Orlok’s bloodlust. Finally managing his escape by falling out of a window and into the river below, he is later found by a nun who brings him to a nearby church where they start nursing him back to health. Meanwhile, Orlok’s coffin is on board a ship sailing towards Wisborg (and Ellen) bringing with him plague-infested rats and death.
Nosferatu is another remake/reimagined version of the 1922 silent movie by F. W. Murnau, a film that was a little too closely inspired by Bram Stoker’s Dracula novel from 1897 and almost ended up as lost media when Stoker’s widow took legal action and a judge ordered all copies to be destroyed. Thankfully, some survived, and there has since been several remakes and spinoffs made: Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979) by Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski as Nosferatu, Nosferatu in Venice (1988) also starring Klaus Kinski as Nosferatu and originally intended to be a sequel to Herzog’s 1979 film and co-directed by Kinski together with Augusto Caminito, Shadow of the Vampire (2000) which is a movie based on the making of the 1922 film where Willem Dafoe plays Nosferatu/Max Schreck, and a 2023 crowd-funded remake with Doug Jones as Nosferatu. Not to mention all references in other media, even including Spongebob.
Robert Eggers had his directorial debut with The Witch (2015), and have since continued to impress with his blend of horror, mythology and folklore, which can also be seen in The Lighthouse (2019). A reimagining of Nosferatu done by this guy sounds like every folklore-horror lover’s dream. And while honoring the source material, he also adds his own flavour to it of course.
The development for Eggers version began in 2015, where he was very much thinking of it as a passion project. Many actors have been cast and re-cast since then, where Skarsgård was originally cast as Thomas Hutter, but then re-cast as Count Orlok (quite the change). To prepare for his role, he lost a significant amount of weight and worked with Icelandic opera singer Ásgerður Júníusdóttir so he could lower his vocal range. The prosthetic makeup took up to six hours a day to apply, and needless to say…he’s completely unrecognizable in this film. While you could clearly see some of his traits beneath his Pennywise makeup in IT (2017), he’s totally unrecognizable here. No wonder he considered his Orlok-transformation experience as “conjuring pure evil“. His looks as Orlok was also kept a secret prior to the film’s release, making a lot of people wonder what the result would be. And while some people found his moustache off-putting for some reason (sure, his looks differ a lot from the goblin/rat-like Orlok from the original) it’s easy to see what Eggers went for here, making him look more like an actual ancient Romanian count. Eggers have deliberately gone back to several of the actual folklore aspects regarding vampires and vampirism, where they were quite literally walking undead corpses.
The filming took place primarily in Prague at Barrandov Studios, and they were also shooting on location at the 14th-century Rožmitál pod Třemšínem Castle in Rožmitál pod Třemšínem, and Pernštejn Castle (also used as the location for Herzog’s Nosferatu the Vampyre), Prague’s Invalidovna complex, and some exterior shots were captured in Corvin Castle in Romania, which is actually the castle where Vlad Dracula was briefly imprisoned. Great use of locations, without a doubt. The film was also shot on 35mm in color by cinematographer Jarin Blaschke,using special filters to adapt the desaturated look reminiscent of 19th century Romanticism. Another fun tidbit is that 5000 live rats were used in this film, and none of them were harmed or lost. There’s one scene featuring Willem Dafoe where he had to work with 2000 rats around him, which he didn’t mind as he’s an animal lover but admitted they could be a little unpredictable but were “great acting partners“. No musophobia to be spotted here, at least!
There’s certainly been put great attention to details in Nosferatu, with costumes, locations, sets and cinematography. Despite the film being dark and moody, it’s also manifestly gorgeous where it’s gracefully blending its grotesqueries with beauty. Regarding performances, I have to give praise to Lily-Rose Depp in her role as Ellen, she does a formidable job with her role as the haunted and possessed woman. Willem Dafoe is fun to watch as the Van Helsing-esque occult expert, and it’s especially fun to see him in this movie since he played Max Schreck/Count Orlok in the 2000 movie Shadow of the Vampire. The actors are all doing great, but there’s no doubt that the most impressive performance comes from Skarsgård himself where the transformation is utterly radical and he really does go all in. I have to admit, though, that I gave some involuntary chuckles when he first started speaking with the deep, slow, raspy voice where he sounds like he’s in desperate need of an inhaler. It took some getting used to, but once I did, I thought it suited the character pretty well, especially with how he otherwise looks like a literal decaying corpse. I also couldn’t really shake it from my mind how my brother, upon seeing a picture reveal of Skarsgård’s Orlok version, said he looked like “a grotesque Dr. Eggman“. Yeah…couldn’t really unsee it afterwards…thanks, bro.
There’s no doubt that the Eggers version of Nosferatu is a visual, stylish experience layered with ominous atmosphere and overt sexual undertones. It many ways it differs from both the original and its other remakes, with elements that will be enjoyable for some and off-putting for others, but we loved it through and through!
Writer and director: Robert Eggers Country & year: USA/UK/Hungary, 2024 Actors: Lily-Rose Depp, Nicholas Hoult, Bill Skarsgård, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Willem Dafoe, Emma Corrin, Ralph Ineson, Simon McBurney, Adéla Hesová, Milena Konstantinova, Stacy Thunes IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5040012/
At the beginning of the 70’s in Spain a young woman visits a remote village looking for an elderly woman who was recommended to aid with an illegal matter. Once there, she realizes there’s a dark secret being hidden within the village and an alternative motive from the elderly woman.
The first Horror Short Sunday of 2025! A new year, and new horror shorts to check out! We start with La Proeza (The Feat), a creepy Spanish horror short from 2018.
Director: Isaac Berrocal Writer: Isaac Berrocal Country & year: Spain, 2018 Actors: Chiti Abraira, Rocio Aller, Ágrata Andrés IMDb:www.imdb.com/title/tt8523618/
A woman and a man who is piss-drunk are stumbling back home after a night out in L.A. They decide to take a shortcut through a dark alley (of course they are), where a large hobo violently attacks the man by biting him on the neck. The woman also gets attacked by similar monster-looking hobos, but she manages to escape, only to get hit by a speeding police car.
Then, we head over to a “flashback“ scene where our protagonist Chuck Steel must try to save his kidnapped wife from the local Yakuza. After a totally over-the-top action-packed fight and chase scene, the tragic outcome is that Steel’s wife falls from a helicopter to her death. And that’s the story of how our hero lost his wife, which explains his moody “fuck off assholes and leave me alone“ attitude. Or…at least that’s the story he tells everyone. He also tells every new partner he gets that he is in no way interested in a partner, hates working with a partner, and is a guy that wants to work alone, something that a rookie cop named Barney is about to find out. Poor Barney is also about to find out that Steel has no problems with causing huge collateral damage whilst haunting some gangsters, all the while ranting his ass off to the poor rookie. Needless to say, Steel is soon without a partner again. His captain, determined to team him up with somebody at last, gives him a final choice: a Swedish woman, a monkey, or a cheese plant. He chooses the woman (much to his regret as she’s not exactly what he hoped for). They go to interview the woman from the opening scene who is now in hospital, but when arriving there he meets an old British man standing over her, ready to ram a stake into her heart. This man is supernatural hunter Professor Van Rental, warning Steel that this woman is about to become a Trampire. Yes, you read that right: a Trampire, because back when vampires ruled over Transylvania they were driven out by the locals who finally had enough, which forced the vampires to live like tramps and took to binge drinking, causing their thirst for blood to become as strong as their thirst for alcohol. Thus, the Trampires now hunt the street for those with a high blood alcohol level, and staying sober has never been more important! Of course, it would be an impossible task to ask the general public to stop getting shitfaced, so the only option is to get rid of the Trampires. Does Steel believe in any of this insane hogwash? Well, of course not…but he’s soon to find out that the professor was speaking the truth, which turns this already bonkers movie into a totally crazy, blood-soaked balls-to-the-wall love-letter to the action films from the 80’s!
Chuck Steel: Night of the Trampires is a stop-motion action horror comedy film from 2018, written and directed by Mike Mort who is also voicing the titular lead role, and this was his feature debut. Budget is said to have been $20 million, of which it doesn’t seem that even a fraction of it was earned back (such a shame). It premiered on the Annecy International Animation Film Festival in France, on 12 June 2018. And this one’s been a long time in the making, as Mike Mort wrote the early draft for it back in 2001. The character of Chuck Steel was something he came up with all the way back in 1986, however, which makes this an even more fitting 80s throwback film. In 2013, Chuck Steel appeared in the short Raging Balls of Steel Justice, and in 2014 Animortal Studio was setup, where the impressive amount of 425 puppets where made for the movie, plus dozens of giant scale-model sets. The movie was finished in early 2018. Then, distribution hell happened and it didn’t get a release until October 2021.
A stop-motion animated horror action comedy, not giving a turd about political correctness and whether the jokes are being “offensive“ by today’s standards , filled with gore, 80’s throwback action and other pleasantries…what’s not to love? The trailer for this movie got me interested immediately, and oh boy, were we in for a ride with this one! First of all, the stop motion in this movie is absolutely fantastic. It’s easy to see that there’s been put so much love and care into all the puppets, model sets and details. The references to the 80s actions flicks, including both the good and the bad, are spot on: there’s an abundance of explosions, car crashes and chases, all accompanied by the beats of typical 80’s music. It’s just as hilarious and energetic as the trailer indicates, but it’s also surprisingly cinematic and polished.
Chuck Steel: Night of the Trampires is one of those movies where I just can’t help thinking: why the hell isn’t this movie more known, why isn’t it receiving more appreciation..? With throwback movies being all the rage these days, this should’ve been a goddamn cult classic by now! Yeah, yeah… the crude humour was probably off-putting for some, but seriously. It’s not often we see something as inspired, something so filled with ridiculous energetic glee as this movie! Sure, you probably need to not only be a fan of 80’s action movies or the 80’s in general to fully appreciate a movie like this, but also have a bit of fondness for some of the typical B-Movie schlock as well. Playing this one to the general audience who are used to watch the latest generic and safe blockbusters will probably put their brain in automatic nah-mode, especially with all the jokes putting the modern offense-level up to eleven which would make them squirm in their seats with discomfort. So, yeah…this is one of those movies where I know it’s not got a very wide audience (obviously), but I still can’t recommend it enough and I think that there’s a much larger audience out there who would have loved the shit out of this film if they just found out about it. It’s filled with awesome animation, fantastic creature designs, gore, has a totally crazy plot, and is a hilarious action-filled adventure featuring the most badass maverick cop ever. A pleasure to watch! Glad we got this one on Blu-ray, which also included a poster and booklet.
Writer and director: Mike Mort Country & year: UK, 2018 Voices by: Mike Mort, Jennifer Saunders, Paul Whitehouse, Dan Russell, Jonnie Fiori, Samantha Coughlan, Romano Marenghi, Geoff Robbins, Jonnie Price, Mark Richard Jones, Laura Tofarides IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4278346/
Jesús Casas and Maria are a couple with a newborn son, Cayetano. They’re visiting a furniture store in order to buy a coffee table, where the salesman is offering them an expensive but high quality table which Jesús falls for immediately. Maria hates it on sight, though…and despite the salesman claiming that the glass is unbreakable and really tries his best to sell them the table, Maria still isn’t convinced. Jesús, however, really, really wants this table. He complains to Maria that she has not allowed him to choose anything for their home, so why not let him at least choose this coffee table? Well, he ends up purchasing it. In their apartment, which he inherited from his grandmother, he starts putting the table together. Upon doing so, he notices that a screw is missing, and he asks the salesman for another one. In the meantime, Maria leaves to buy some groceries in preparation for the visit of Jesús’s brother Carlos and his new, very young partner Cristina. And from then on…all hell breaks lose.
